Life is all about living life one step at a time and not getting ahead of yourself. Why do I suddenly say this you ask? Cause I was served a fresh reminder this afternoon.
So at around 2 this afternoon, market had an hour left, and I was sitting pretty. I was up 75% on the day, which at this point in my trading career is fantastic. Well instead of realizing that I was in a good place, I stated getting cocky and thinking about what a nice day it was outside. My thoughts basically proceeded as follows:
"Wow, I am up today, Im doing awesome."
"Its gorgeous out, Im definitely going to go out tonight. And its gonna be sweet cause I had a baller trading day."
"Hmm, this stock is looking shaky, maybe I should lay off...fuck that noise, look at how awesome I am trading...tonight is going to be alot of fun."
Well at that point, the market exacted its revenge and my footloose and fancy free style promptly blew up in my face. The stock I was trading, AVB in case any of you closet stock market nerds were interested, went from a steady rising cash cow, to being more indecisive and bipolar that a sorority girl. One minute she is introducing you to her friends and talking about one more drink before you two go back to her place...nice. Then suddenly you find out she is telling the whole campus you are a creeper and may or may not have herpes...what??
My last two HORRIBLE trades of the day were like slow motion. You know that moment when you shouldn't do something, but fuck it, you do it anyways? Yeah, it happened twice...damn I am such a moron sometimes. I ended up down 50%, yes, thats a 125% swing for the negative...sweet lord. Better now than when I am actually playing with alot more money, right? At least thats what Im telling myself.
So anyways, I get on the train just wanting to go home, maybe take a nap, and put it out of my mind, cause thats all you can do. I sit down on a half empty Purple Line car and start fiddling with my phone. I kind of zone out until I reach Merchandise Mart where I noticed a few people get on. I pay little mind as there are only a few people on the train and I am already next to the window. Suddenly I get the feeling that there is someone looking at me and I realize an older gentleman, probably in his 60s, wearing a cream trenchcoat is standing over me. He clearly is trying to inquire if the other half of my seat is taken. I give him a quizzical look (as there are a ton of completely open seats where sharing is not necessary) but kind of shift myself and my bag a bit and he sits down. Immediately I notice that he sat pretty fucking close. Like leg firmly against my leg close... As the train lurches forward, he places his hand on the seat in front of us to steady himself and keeps it there. No big deal...except that he is practically reaching across me and his hand is pretty much centered in front of my body.
Now I am getting a bit weirded out. I figure since he is older, maybe he doesn't have the same sense of personal space, maybe he is European, trying to figure something out here. In the meantime, I continue to stare at my phone. Suddenly I get that feeling of someone staring at you again, so I look up...
"Beautiful weather today isn't it?"
Ok, he is not European. Look for that wedding ring, nope, nothing there. I begin to get that awkward premonition...
"Oh yeah, I'm just glad spring finally arrived..."
He hasn't shifted himself away from me at all, despite the fact that I have subtley squirmed and shifted a bit to signify that I am not a fan of this leg on leg action. All he does is oddly flex and extend his fingers. Repeatedly. Sorry if its weird that I find that bizarre, but it was. He looked like Chopin preparing for a piano sonata.
"You have a lovely hair color, is that your natural color?"
Ok, what the fuck!?! Really? If a cute girl was sitting this close to me and asked me that question, I may be flattered, but I would still be a bit puzzled. I then begin to do the rest of the math. Still plenty of open seats. Across the aisle, he could have shared a seat with a STUNNING brunette, not to mention a decently cute blond a bit further down if lighter hair was his thing. Shit, I am being hit on by a 60 year old gay man. Listen, I love Crocodile Rock, but I don't want Elton John practically sitting on my lap as I commute home.
"Yeah, I guess I have my dad's hair."
What else am I supposed to say? Oh no, his hand is now off the seat and he flexes it again and rests it on his leg. Or should I say half his leg, so part of it rests on mine since he is making every effort to fuse them together.
"I really like your style. Very trendy and unique."
Are you kidding me? Am I sitting next to Marc Jacobs. For reference, while I do fancy myself quite the dapper dresser, I was wearing jeans, a black track jacket and boat shoes. Trying to be comfortable for work, not looking smashing for the opening of Transformers 2. Now I have my suspicions confirmed and silently pray for Diversey to arrive with haste.
"Thanks, I know what I like."
I try not to be too terse and patiently continue to fiddle with my phone. He reaches into his pocket and pulls out a pair of sunglasses, oddly reminiscent of the kind Hannibal Lecter wears in Hannibal. Great, now he looks like a famous serial killer (who had subtle homosexual tendancies) AND he can leer at me while not being noticed.
Thankfully, Diversey arrives and I get up to leave. He places his hand on my forearm and says it was a pleasure meeting me. I mumble a hurried reply and try not to sprint onto the platform. Thank god I don't live in Wrigley or I would have had to deflect his advances all the way to his departure into Boystown.
Don't get me wrong, its not the first or last time I will be hit on by a gay man. And thats fine, I am comfortable enough with myself that I can kind of laugh it off and be fine with it. Plus I have gay friends, so its not a demographic that inherently creeps me out. But there is something unsettling about an overly forward homosexual man of that age that even my gay friends have complained about. I need to stop looking so dashing on the train obviously...
So I used to be a big Panic at the Disco fan before they got all popular and it was the coolest thing to like for 15 year old girls, besides texting, Starbucks, and rainbow lipstick blowjob parties. I thought they were different and quirky, and pretty damn catchy. Well their most recent CD initially turned me off because I felt they were trying to hard to be the Beatles. The lead single, Nine in the Afternoon, screamed Beatles revival and the video was an unabashed Sergeant Pepper's knockoff. But recently, I decided to give them another spin, because honestly, who hasn't tried to replicate the Beatles a bit, besides Slayer, Britney Spears, and T.I.? Well, I am thoroughly obsessed with That Green Gentleman. Its brilliantly catchy and lyrically interesting, just what I expect from them. It also makes me feel like I am 10 years old again. Perfect song for the coming of spring. Rocks my face. The video is also hilarious and pretty sweet.
"I wanna go where everyone goes, I wanna know what everyone knows, I wanna go where everyone feels the same... "
JW
Thursday, April 16, 2009
Monday, April 13, 2009
Hold on, you did not just say that...Wow, you really did
So "Overheard in New York" was such a wildly popular phenomenon that it spun off countless other similar sites and Facebook groups. Now I don't know if an "Overheard on the CTA" exists, but I could maintain an entire site dedicated to such content with contributions from only yours truly. I don't even need other people's stories, I hear enough on my daily commute to populate a Twitter feed for days...though Twitter kind of freaks me out and is the downfall of any sort of divide between the public and the private. But thats a commentary for a different day.
Anyways, today was abnormal because instead of a choice nugget or two, I could swear that every damn conversation happening around me was so insatiably absurd and captivating that I didn't finish the Redeye over the span of two whole train rides. These top 3 were so awesome that I wanted to tap random strangers and ask if they heard that with a child-like wonder in my eyes. But I resisted for fear of appearing as strange and abstract as the conversations currently dancing through my ears. Additionally, the way people have been responding to my simple gestures of kindess lately, Im sure they would have taken it as some sort of personal affront.
1) After boarding, I was standing next to two African American gentlemen who were loudly and excitedly talking about their cellphones. Now last week, I overheard a similar conversation about the merits of Cricket Wireless. But oh no, this was better:
Guy 1: Yeah man, I need me a new fucking phone.
Guy 2: Dawg, you just got that for Christmas. Its still dope.
1: Hell naw man, I need that touch screen, not this flip shit.
1: Besides, I be getting a new phone every 3-4 months.
2: Why man?
1: Playa, you know you gotta keep your phone game tight.
1: Ladies be seeing your phone and judging you for it.
2: Shit, thats true. This one bitch always be talking about Blackberries...
Seriously? I mean, I could not believe my ears. It solved so many questions about my percieved relationship woes. I worry about my personality and my hair and my appearance, fuck that noise, I have been neglecting my phone game. If it was tighter, maybe with that touch screen, it could be a much different story. I'm learning new things every day!
2) As I came out of the station downtown, I was standing next to two women waiting for the light to change. One woman was, how do I describe this, festively plump. She seemed to not be content with her robust figure as she was, again, loudly commenting on it to her friend:
Festively Plump: Yeah, you know I am really working on my figure.
Friend: Thats great to hear!
FP: Yeah, I am taking steps to get more healthy, you know, get in shape for summer.
F: I can totally tell!
Oh, maybe I should note that our health concious friend was carrying a bag of McDonald's breakfast in one hand and puffing on a...Marlboro with the other. I mean, who am I to judge, there are many different ways to get in shape. Obviously the cigarette and fast food diet was in between Atkins and South Beach in the brochure.
PS: Right after this convo, I watched a homeless dude in FULL SPRINT, stop on a dime (he literally skidded with dust kicking up like a Wylie Coyote cartoon) and dive down to pick up a half smoked cigarette recently discarded by a guy entering my building...sweetness.
3) While the first two exchanges were just bizarre, this final one literally made my day. As I got off the train at Fullerton, a homeless dude was standing outside Dominick's looking for some donations, probably for a charity he was spearheading. Anyways, I wasn't paying any mind till her delivered his line:
"Spare some change mothufucka?"
I resisted all urge to break out in giggles and stopped in my tracks. Now seeing as a result of economic issues, I am more or less broke, I unfortunately am not in the habit of donating to the homeless. However, I respected the creativity and sheer audacity of this particular knight of the street corner and gave him $.50. I decided I could forego some Baked Lays at work tomorrow in order to reward such brazen solicitation. If it wasn't raining, I would have for sure lingered for awhile longer in hopes of catching some additional choice lines he would probably lay on selected Depaul co-eds.
"Got a dollar..you trick ass ho?"
"Any spare change you honky bitch?"
The endless possibilities raced through my mind as I waited in line at the Post Office. I felt like offering up these suggestions to the homeless dude who expects change for opening the door to this particular Post Office. His phone game is clearly not tight.
Honorable mention:
Two women got on the train at Fullerton on my way down this morning in business suits. There were about 4-5 other people in our direct vicinity, all dressed in business casual. One woman blatantly comments "I can't believe that some people actually go to work in jeans. Thats just ridiculous." Her tone was dripping with bitchiness. So I politely turn around and remark that actually I was going to class down in the Loop. She then stupidly tries to backtrack and say she was not referring to me and was just commenting in general. I mean, my appearance has been called many things: handsome, dashing, boyishly charming, etc...but stupid has not been one of them. But clearly this woman thought I looked like an idiot if she thought she was going to slip that shit past me. But, being the mature gentleman I am, I responded "No worries" and gave her a heartwarming smile...I hope her heel got stuck in a manhole cover.
So I stumbled over this little gem the other day. Its Kid Cudi-I Poke Her Face ft. Common and Kanye. The Poker Face sample is all chopped up and stripped down in amazing fashion. And the slowed down "remixed" version of the chorus at the end is just awesome. Kid Cudi, who is the best musical thing out of Cleveland since Bone Thugs, just kills his verse as does Common, and Kanye's verse is pretty decent. Overall, its just one of those awesome tracks that have kind of been popping up. Its a new turn in the whole hip-hop game, these quirky samples and remixes with some quality verses over them. Count me as a fan.
Sidenote: There are some acoustic versions of Pokerface on YouTube. And say you what you wan't about Lady Gaga, she is odd, but her musical talent is undeniable if not always apparent. And these stripped versions show it. Girl has some pipes. And not gonna lie, watching her interviews, I kind of like her, she is that good kind of crazy.
"Hold up, born in '88. How old is that? Old enough..."
JW
Anyways, today was abnormal because instead of a choice nugget or two, I could swear that every damn conversation happening around me was so insatiably absurd and captivating that I didn't finish the Redeye over the span of two whole train rides. These top 3 were so awesome that I wanted to tap random strangers and ask if they heard that with a child-like wonder in my eyes. But I resisted for fear of appearing as strange and abstract as the conversations currently dancing through my ears. Additionally, the way people have been responding to my simple gestures of kindess lately, Im sure they would have taken it as some sort of personal affront.
1) After boarding, I was standing next to two African American gentlemen who were loudly and excitedly talking about their cellphones. Now last week, I overheard a similar conversation about the merits of Cricket Wireless. But oh no, this was better:
Guy 1: Yeah man, I need me a new fucking phone.
Guy 2: Dawg, you just got that for Christmas. Its still dope.
1: Hell naw man, I need that touch screen, not this flip shit.
1: Besides, I be getting a new phone every 3-4 months.
2: Why man?
1: Playa, you know you gotta keep your phone game tight.
1: Ladies be seeing your phone and judging you for it.
2: Shit, thats true. This one bitch always be talking about Blackberries...
Seriously? I mean, I could not believe my ears. It solved so many questions about my percieved relationship woes. I worry about my personality and my hair and my appearance, fuck that noise, I have been neglecting my phone game. If it was tighter, maybe with that touch screen, it could be a much different story. I'm learning new things every day!
2) As I came out of the station downtown, I was standing next to two women waiting for the light to change. One woman was, how do I describe this, festively plump. She seemed to not be content with her robust figure as she was, again, loudly commenting on it to her friend:
Festively Plump: Yeah, you know I am really working on my figure.
Friend: Thats great to hear!
FP: Yeah, I am taking steps to get more healthy, you know, get in shape for summer.
F: I can totally tell!
Oh, maybe I should note that our health concious friend was carrying a bag of McDonald's breakfast in one hand and puffing on a...Marlboro with the other. I mean, who am I to judge, there are many different ways to get in shape. Obviously the cigarette and fast food diet was in between Atkins and South Beach in the brochure.
PS: Right after this convo, I watched a homeless dude in FULL SPRINT, stop on a dime (he literally skidded with dust kicking up like a Wylie Coyote cartoon) and dive down to pick up a half smoked cigarette recently discarded by a guy entering my building...sweetness.
3) While the first two exchanges were just bizarre, this final one literally made my day. As I got off the train at Fullerton, a homeless dude was standing outside Dominick's looking for some donations, probably for a charity he was spearheading. Anyways, I wasn't paying any mind till her delivered his line:
"Spare some change mothufucka?"
I resisted all urge to break out in giggles and stopped in my tracks. Now seeing as a result of economic issues, I am more or less broke, I unfortunately am not in the habit of donating to the homeless. However, I respected the creativity and sheer audacity of this particular knight of the street corner and gave him $.50. I decided I could forego some Baked Lays at work tomorrow in order to reward such brazen solicitation. If it wasn't raining, I would have for sure lingered for awhile longer in hopes of catching some additional choice lines he would probably lay on selected Depaul co-eds.
"Got a dollar..you trick ass ho?"
"Any spare change you honky bitch?"
The endless possibilities raced through my mind as I waited in line at the Post Office. I felt like offering up these suggestions to the homeless dude who expects change for opening the door to this particular Post Office. His phone game is clearly not tight.
Honorable mention:
Two women got on the train at Fullerton on my way down this morning in business suits. There were about 4-5 other people in our direct vicinity, all dressed in business casual. One woman blatantly comments "I can't believe that some people actually go to work in jeans. Thats just ridiculous." Her tone was dripping with bitchiness. So I politely turn around and remark that actually I was going to class down in the Loop. She then stupidly tries to backtrack and say she was not referring to me and was just commenting in general. I mean, my appearance has been called many things: handsome, dashing, boyishly charming, etc...but stupid has not been one of them. But clearly this woman thought I looked like an idiot if she thought she was going to slip that shit past me. But, being the mature gentleman I am, I responded "No worries" and gave her a heartwarming smile...I hope her heel got stuck in a manhole cover.
So I stumbled over this little gem the other day. Its Kid Cudi-I Poke Her Face ft. Common and Kanye. The Poker Face sample is all chopped up and stripped down in amazing fashion. And the slowed down "remixed" version of the chorus at the end is just awesome. Kid Cudi, who is the best musical thing out of Cleveland since Bone Thugs, just kills his verse as does Common, and Kanye's verse is pretty decent. Overall, its just one of those awesome tracks that have kind of been popping up. Its a new turn in the whole hip-hop game, these quirky samples and remixes with some quality verses over them. Count me as a fan.
Sidenote: There are some acoustic versions of Pokerface on YouTube. And say you what you wan't about Lady Gaga, she is odd, but her musical talent is undeniable if not always apparent. And these stripped versions show it. Girl has some pipes. And not gonna lie, watching her interviews, I kind of like her, she is that good kind of crazy.
"Hold up, born in '88. How old is that? Old enough..."
JW
Wednesday, April 8, 2009
Just a stirring in my soul...
As I was riding the train home from work today, a group of about 10-12 High Schoolers got on with their chaperones during what I assume was some sort of school trip. Either way, they were being extraordinarily obnoxious, trying to get rises out of other passengers, making comments on everything, basically being HS age kids. Meanwhile, I was reviewing notes from some of the trading activity I had done earlier and from the training class we had...all while resisting every urge to jump kick the attention-loving cock socket making a fool of himself in front of me.
"I wonder if other people think I am loud and annoying? Maybe I should ask..hahahaha"
Wow, if I was that completely worthless at that age (though I know I was not all decked out in Aeropostale like this clown), my parents should get a medal for not having me euthanized. Anyways, it didn't make me feel old or mature, but rather caused me to kind of chew on the thought of how much I have "grown" in the last 5-6 years.
I remember listening to "Why Georgia" in HS and thinking the line about a "quarter life crisis" was an attempt at cutesy clever lyrics. Now as I approach the age it was referring to, upon further review, I have to say I get where John Mayer was coming from. The whole premise is not as seemingly depressing as a mid-life crisis where one is unhappy with the direction of their life at that point and takes drastic measures to feel young again and gets a toupee or something of that nature, I really don't know. Moreso its kind of a midterm evaluation of your brief life as an "adult" thus far. Yeah, you grow alot and learn alot of things at college, but I think the 6-18 months immediately after you graduate is where suddenly 75% of that stuff just sticks.
I mean, I completely and utterly evolved as a person the minute I stepped onto Miami's campus. A family friend had told me that the best thing about college was the ability to reinvent yourself if you wanted. And frankly, I wanted it more than anything in the world. I hated HS for the most part and really was emotionally and mentally unsatisfied and unfufilled. So I came to college and was just ready to unfold my wings and become who I thought I should be. Freshman year I guess I did a bit too much, cause I got horrendous grades and had to spend 1st semester of Soph year at home. But when I came back in the Spring, I think thats when the transformation really took root and began. I remember being called cocky by a girl that first semester back and being floored. And it wasn't a criticism, but more a commentary on percieved confidence and the way I carried myself. I remember the strange feeling I got hearing that, but also how cathartic it was. I had always been outgoing, but for whatever number of stupid reasons, in HS I just never found my place. So this new "swagger", this new comfort in myself that was now becoming apparent to other people, it really was the start of who I am now. The rest of college was experiementing and testing myself and my personality and really trying to see what was me and what was me trying to be something else.
Now that I am in the "real world" and supposedly an adult, its really become interesting to try and evaluate the dynamic of my own personality and how I interact with others. There are some things that I am completely comfortable with that put other people off in a major way. And that doesn't mean I should censor myself, but rather realize that I am mature enough and perceptive enough to realize that I am not 15 anymore and the world is not for my own personal amusement. Thats been a big lesson for me to try to teach myself and one that is ever progressing and continuing, cause I certainly am not a picture of social perfection. Also, its been interesting to try and rid myself of bad habits, emotional drains, and general negativity tied to things in my past. One of my favorite psychological tenants is that of "grounding". There are various different names for it, but its basic idea that similar to a smell or sound reminding you of a certain person or place, there are emotions and thought processes we have that are intricately tied to people or events or whatnot in our past. For example, why do people always find it so hard to get over their "first love", even if this person turned out to be a horrible human being and subsequently treated them like garbage? Not becuase they are just their first love or random sentimental-ness, but because that strange and unique feeling/human emotion is tied to a better, more euphoric time in their relationship, and thus that overrides any lesser feelings as a result of later disputes, sadness, etc... While it can be a great thing because it can really strengthen bonds or convictions, it can often be a crutch because you let these grounded feelings and emotions control you or become an obnoxious burden, I know from first hand. So completing these rambling thoughts, I need to let somethings go and move forward, because I am pretty content with who I am right now at 23, so who gives a fuck what minor inconveniences (in the big picture) occurred in the past and still bother me. The best thing about life is that it goes on...
The other part of this whole quarter life crisis is the new relationships and experiences that seem so foreign and a little scary, but are really some of the cooler things in life. The main one for me is starting to get to know my parents as people, and not just as my parents. Like I text my Dad at least every other day with something, and not in a "I need something" or help me with this kind of way, but rather because Ive begun to understand him more, and our relationship has evolved into a friendship as well. Same way with my mom. I was the kid in grade school and through HS that never talked about anything social with his parents. I didn't talk about who I had a crush on or whatnot, because frankly I was embarrassed. Now I go to my Mom for relationship advice. A female perspective I can wholly and completely trust? What I wouldn't have given for that in HS...oh wait, yeah Im an idiot. Its happened with 2 of my Uncles as well in various situations. While its kind of startling to not look at them as the mighty elders and superhuman way we look at parents and relatives when we are kids, the humanizing aspect of it all is so cool and it makes navigating some of the little annoyances and struggles in life that much easier.
This "crisis", to me, is all about figuring out exactly who you are right now and realizing that you have a limitless life ahead of you, so you can really tweak and re-adjust most anything right now to put you in a position and situations you really want to be in for the future. So I mean, thats not depressing at all...stressful? Um yeah, I make myself damn near sick over it, but necessary and ultimately beneficial? Damn straight. Ill look back and thank myself in 2 years...at least I hope.
So I don't know how Ive went this long through all these musical recommendations without mentioning my favorite band in the world, Brand New. I started listening to them in HS when they were just a straight up, no holds barred, pop-punk band. Then as Ive grown, they have too, developing into this artistic powerhouse just creating the most emotionally charged and inspiring music Ive ever heard. I still listen to them EVERY single day and I wore out my copy of their second CD, Deja Entendu. I didn't even know you could do that, but somehow I did. That CD to me is perfect, like I could not possibly imagine any changes I would make to it. Lyrically, they are just sublime. Jesse Lacey is one of my favorite lyricists and Im pretty sure half of my favorite lyrics are something he has written. I could honestly gush about this band for an entire blog, and it would not be an enjoyable read cause it would be the blabbings of a giddy fanboy, cause I honestly believe they are that impressive. The Quiet Things That Noone Ever Knows is what I believe to be their quintessential song. Just brilliant and epic and gorgeous, and everything nice. This performance of it on Kimmel is still one of my favorite musical performances of all time. My favorite favorite fav song of theirs is I Will Play My Game Beneath the Spinlight. I don't know what it is, but this song moved me like no other. Its still a part of random stuff I do. My apartment my Junior year was called Spinglight Hall, and a short lived record label I created in college was..you guessed it, Spinlight Records. If I started a hedge fund today, easily would name it Spinlight Capital. I guess thats the cool and crazy thing about music, and to me Brand New, sometimes it just gets to you in ways you can't describe, and all you can offer up as explanation is the cool meanings it has to you and hope others can find their own in similar fashion...
"Won't see home till Spring, oh I would kill for the Atlantic, but I am paid to make girls panic while I sing..."
JW
"I wonder if other people think I am loud and annoying? Maybe I should ask..hahahaha"
Wow, if I was that completely worthless at that age (though I know I was not all decked out in Aeropostale like this clown), my parents should get a medal for not having me euthanized. Anyways, it didn't make me feel old or mature, but rather caused me to kind of chew on the thought of how much I have "grown" in the last 5-6 years.
I remember listening to "Why Georgia" in HS and thinking the line about a "quarter life crisis" was an attempt at cutesy clever lyrics. Now as I approach the age it was referring to, upon further review, I have to say I get where John Mayer was coming from. The whole premise is not as seemingly depressing as a mid-life crisis where one is unhappy with the direction of their life at that point and takes drastic measures to feel young again and gets a toupee or something of that nature, I really don't know. Moreso its kind of a midterm evaluation of your brief life as an "adult" thus far. Yeah, you grow alot and learn alot of things at college, but I think the 6-18 months immediately after you graduate is where suddenly 75% of that stuff just sticks.
I mean, I completely and utterly evolved as a person the minute I stepped onto Miami's campus. A family friend had told me that the best thing about college was the ability to reinvent yourself if you wanted. And frankly, I wanted it more than anything in the world. I hated HS for the most part and really was emotionally and mentally unsatisfied and unfufilled. So I came to college and was just ready to unfold my wings and become who I thought I should be. Freshman year I guess I did a bit too much, cause I got horrendous grades and had to spend 1st semester of Soph year at home. But when I came back in the Spring, I think thats when the transformation really took root and began. I remember being called cocky by a girl that first semester back and being floored. And it wasn't a criticism, but more a commentary on percieved confidence and the way I carried myself. I remember the strange feeling I got hearing that, but also how cathartic it was. I had always been outgoing, but for whatever number of stupid reasons, in HS I just never found my place. So this new "swagger", this new comfort in myself that was now becoming apparent to other people, it really was the start of who I am now. The rest of college was experiementing and testing myself and my personality and really trying to see what was me and what was me trying to be something else.
Now that I am in the "real world" and supposedly an adult, its really become interesting to try and evaluate the dynamic of my own personality and how I interact with others. There are some things that I am completely comfortable with that put other people off in a major way. And that doesn't mean I should censor myself, but rather realize that I am mature enough and perceptive enough to realize that I am not 15 anymore and the world is not for my own personal amusement. Thats been a big lesson for me to try to teach myself and one that is ever progressing and continuing, cause I certainly am not a picture of social perfection. Also, its been interesting to try and rid myself of bad habits, emotional drains, and general negativity tied to things in my past. One of my favorite psychological tenants is that of "grounding". There are various different names for it, but its basic idea that similar to a smell or sound reminding you of a certain person or place, there are emotions and thought processes we have that are intricately tied to people or events or whatnot in our past. For example, why do people always find it so hard to get over their "first love", even if this person turned out to be a horrible human being and subsequently treated them like garbage? Not becuase they are just their first love or random sentimental-ness, but because that strange and unique feeling/human emotion is tied to a better, more euphoric time in their relationship, and thus that overrides any lesser feelings as a result of later disputes, sadness, etc... While it can be a great thing because it can really strengthen bonds or convictions, it can often be a crutch because you let these grounded feelings and emotions control you or become an obnoxious burden, I know from first hand. So completing these rambling thoughts, I need to let somethings go and move forward, because I am pretty content with who I am right now at 23, so who gives a fuck what minor inconveniences (in the big picture) occurred in the past and still bother me. The best thing about life is that it goes on...
The other part of this whole quarter life crisis is the new relationships and experiences that seem so foreign and a little scary, but are really some of the cooler things in life. The main one for me is starting to get to know my parents as people, and not just as my parents. Like I text my Dad at least every other day with something, and not in a "I need something" or help me with this kind of way, but rather because Ive begun to understand him more, and our relationship has evolved into a friendship as well. Same way with my mom. I was the kid in grade school and through HS that never talked about anything social with his parents. I didn't talk about who I had a crush on or whatnot, because frankly I was embarrassed. Now I go to my Mom for relationship advice. A female perspective I can wholly and completely trust? What I wouldn't have given for that in HS...oh wait, yeah Im an idiot. Its happened with 2 of my Uncles as well in various situations. While its kind of startling to not look at them as the mighty elders and superhuman way we look at parents and relatives when we are kids, the humanizing aspect of it all is so cool and it makes navigating some of the little annoyances and struggles in life that much easier.
This "crisis", to me, is all about figuring out exactly who you are right now and realizing that you have a limitless life ahead of you, so you can really tweak and re-adjust most anything right now to put you in a position and situations you really want to be in for the future. So I mean, thats not depressing at all...stressful? Um yeah, I make myself damn near sick over it, but necessary and ultimately beneficial? Damn straight. Ill look back and thank myself in 2 years...at least I hope.
So I don't know how Ive went this long through all these musical recommendations without mentioning my favorite band in the world, Brand New. I started listening to them in HS when they were just a straight up, no holds barred, pop-punk band. Then as Ive grown, they have too, developing into this artistic powerhouse just creating the most emotionally charged and inspiring music Ive ever heard. I still listen to them EVERY single day and I wore out my copy of their second CD, Deja Entendu. I didn't even know you could do that, but somehow I did. That CD to me is perfect, like I could not possibly imagine any changes I would make to it. Lyrically, they are just sublime. Jesse Lacey is one of my favorite lyricists and Im pretty sure half of my favorite lyrics are something he has written. I could honestly gush about this band for an entire blog, and it would not be an enjoyable read cause it would be the blabbings of a giddy fanboy, cause I honestly believe they are that impressive. The Quiet Things That Noone Ever Knows is what I believe to be their quintessential song. Just brilliant and epic and gorgeous, and everything nice. This performance of it on Kimmel is still one of my favorite musical performances of all time. My favorite favorite fav song of theirs is I Will Play My Game Beneath the Spinlight. I don't know what it is, but this song moved me like no other. Its still a part of random stuff I do. My apartment my Junior year was called Spinglight Hall, and a short lived record label I created in college was..you guessed it, Spinlight Records. If I started a hedge fund today, easily would name it Spinlight Capital. I guess thats the cool and crazy thing about music, and to me Brand New, sometimes it just gets to you in ways you can't describe, and all you can offer up as explanation is the cool meanings it has to you and hope others can find their own in similar fashion...
"Won't see home till Spring, oh I would kill for the Atlantic, but I am paid to make girls panic while I sing..."
JW
Friday, April 3, 2009
So sick of love songs, so tired of tears...
So, first of all TGIF. Don't get me wrong I love my job, but lets be honest, how can you not look forward to the weekend? Its just the most pure and beautiful of human emotions, this looking forward to the weekend. But anyways, as any solid Friday should have, I had the pleasure of experiencing a few quality "only in a big city" moments.
First as I was walking to the bank at lunch, a disheveled African-American man was riding his bike down the middle of Lasalle. And I say disheveled because he was. Im not sure he was homeless, he didn't give off that vibe, but he definitely gave off the vibe of I pulled these clothes out of my dirty laundry pile specifically for today. Anyways, that alone would not have been unique save for the fact that he was belting out Ne-Yo's "Sexy Love" at the top of his lungs. I mean with all the midday traffic and lunch crowd noise, you could hear his horrible off-key and tone deaf falsetto. I can honestly say, like One Republic, I stopped and stared. Ok, that was horrifically cheesy, apologies. It was quite surreal to be on a corner in the shadow of the CBOT building to my right and the Federal Reserve to my left, two tremendously important and powerful buildings, and to have this spectacle play out before me. Just amazing.
Then on the train home, Batman entered my Purple Line car at Fullerton. No, not Christian Bale, a man dressed as Batman. A pretty poor effort if I might add. He was wearing a cheap rubber mask with the pointy ears, black gloves up to his mid forearms, black pants, large black shit-kicker boots, and, wait for it...a ratty black T-shirt with the Batman logo on it. All of this while wearing a backpack. I was just flabbergasted especially when I noticed he was wearing a muffler or scarf or something to cover his mouth. Way to attempt to go all out but then fail because clearly Batman's mouth and chin area is uncovered. I was actually kind of nervous because if you are wearing that on a normal day on a mass transit vehicle, clearly you are a few crayons short of a box and who knows what you will do.
Finally, I have a question for the ladies. So here is a scenario I used to run into a bit at Miami and happened to me last night. So an attractive girl is dancing with a guy, who is clearly not her BF, but is absolutely staring down another guy. Over her partner's shoulder, when her back is to him, etc... Not a "help this creeper is all over me" look, but a smoldering attempt at seduction look. What the hell is that? My friend Tersee at Miami used to refer to this as a girl "doing too much." He hated that kind of nonsense, but then again this is the same guy who once described a girl as having an "aggressive face." Anyways, whats the etiquette here? Do you want me to come dance on you, tag-team style? Am I supposed to read your thoughts and snatch you away from K-Fed dancing up on you? If you are so intent on eye-fucking me, while dry humping him, why don't you make some effort to establish your interest in me while conveying your detachment from him? I just don't get it. Its not a bitter, girls suck, complaint, but more of a point of confusion.
Ive had Cartel-If I Fail stuck in my head all weak. Ill admit I was initially not a big Cartel fan. Mostly because I thought they were a little formulaic and didn't seem any different from a slew of other pop-punk bands. Also because of their singer's resemblance to Nick Carter. But I gave them another spin and noticed exceptional lyrical quality and some clever melody creation. So I went 180 on my assessment and eagerly await their upcoming CD this summer. Additionally, I have always thought cartel was a cool ass word. But check it out, Im sure everyone can relate in somewhere to the lyrics. And thank me later when you are walking down the street singing the chorus...cause you will be.
"If you feel the same way, then how can we be friends? He's right you know, it can't go on like this..."
JW
First as I was walking to the bank at lunch, a disheveled African-American man was riding his bike down the middle of Lasalle. And I say disheveled because he was. Im not sure he was homeless, he didn't give off that vibe, but he definitely gave off the vibe of I pulled these clothes out of my dirty laundry pile specifically for today. Anyways, that alone would not have been unique save for the fact that he was belting out Ne-Yo's "Sexy Love" at the top of his lungs. I mean with all the midday traffic and lunch crowd noise, you could hear his horrible off-key and tone deaf falsetto. I can honestly say, like One Republic, I stopped and stared. Ok, that was horrifically cheesy, apologies. It was quite surreal to be on a corner in the shadow of the CBOT building to my right and the Federal Reserve to my left, two tremendously important and powerful buildings, and to have this spectacle play out before me. Just amazing.
Then on the train home, Batman entered my Purple Line car at Fullerton. No, not Christian Bale, a man dressed as Batman. A pretty poor effort if I might add. He was wearing a cheap rubber mask with the pointy ears, black gloves up to his mid forearms, black pants, large black shit-kicker boots, and, wait for it...a ratty black T-shirt with the Batman logo on it. All of this while wearing a backpack. I was just flabbergasted especially when I noticed he was wearing a muffler or scarf or something to cover his mouth. Way to attempt to go all out but then fail because clearly Batman's mouth and chin area is uncovered. I was actually kind of nervous because if you are wearing that on a normal day on a mass transit vehicle, clearly you are a few crayons short of a box and who knows what you will do.
Finally, I have a question for the ladies. So here is a scenario I used to run into a bit at Miami and happened to me last night. So an attractive girl is dancing with a guy, who is clearly not her BF, but is absolutely staring down another guy. Over her partner's shoulder, when her back is to him, etc... Not a "help this creeper is all over me" look, but a smoldering attempt at seduction look. What the hell is that? My friend Tersee at Miami used to refer to this as a girl "doing too much." He hated that kind of nonsense, but then again this is the same guy who once described a girl as having an "aggressive face." Anyways, whats the etiquette here? Do you want me to come dance on you, tag-team style? Am I supposed to read your thoughts and snatch you away from K-Fed dancing up on you? If you are so intent on eye-fucking me, while dry humping him, why don't you make some effort to establish your interest in me while conveying your detachment from him? I just don't get it. Its not a bitter, girls suck, complaint, but more of a point of confusion.
Ive had Cartel-If I Fail stuck in my head all weak. Ill admit I was initially not a big Cartel fan. Mostly because I thought they were a little formulaic and didn't seem any different from a slew of other pop-punk bands. Also because of their singer's resemblance to Nick Carter. But I gave them another spin and noticed exceptional lyrical quality and some clever melody creation. So I went 180 on my assessment and eagerly await their upcoming CD this summer. Additionally, I have always thought cartel was a cool ass word. But check it out, Im sure everyone can relate in somewhere to the lyrics. And thank me later when you are walking down the street singing the chorus...cause you will be.
"If you feel the same way, then how can we be friends? He's right you know, it can't go on like this..."
JW
Wednesday, April 1, 2009
And she said na na na na na
So its 11 PM and I really should be going to bed, but I don't want to thus, I might as well expound upon the topic dancing in my head all day.
One of my favorite movies is High Fidelity. John Cusack, Jack Black, record store, just pure quality. Well one of the whole tenants of the movie is the idea of Top 5 lists, be it top 5 break ups, or top 5 songs about death. So as I was listening to Pandora at work today (let me just say thank you to Pandora for no longer sucking and now providing me with entertainment daily), I heard a few songs and crafted my own top 5 song list...
Top 5 Songs that encapsulate a set of emotions pertaining to the opposite sex:
(Yes that is a mouthful, but I am a ridiculously verbose person and frankly know no other way to phrase it. And yes, its skewed towards females, cause I am a male...get it?)
1) The Used-Bulimic
This and other portions of this top 5 will be a bit angsty, but you've been cautioned. For me, this is the perfect embodiment of the emotional catharsis and that tipping point when you realize a faulty relationship is over and you are better off because of it...and that other person can suck it. Funnily enough, my ex who I am still really good friends with introduced me to it as I was trying to deal with another messed up situation. Just brilliant in its simplicity and honesty. And while a bit coarse, the title refering to the purging of all the old emotions and unhappiness, is pretty clever.
2) Blink 182- Online Songs
Easily is one of my favorite Blink songs. Again so simplistic yet so completely representative of that feeling. Whether you are chasing after the girl you just lost, or more reminiscent of my past, you are pining for that dreamy vixen who loves to string you along while seemingly making out with everyone else you know, Mark and Tom share your pain. Not to mention its so damn catchy to sing "Na na na na" that you probably will forget all about that foolish trollop
3) The Starting Line- Saddest Girl Story
Remember when you were 17 and you desperately wanted to write songs about how you were feeling but you could never find the right words cause they seemed cheesy or too basic? Oh maybe that was just me, but luckily enough Kenny from the Starting Line did it for me. This song and basically every other song off of "Say It Like You Mean It" is just blatantly saying what we have all thought and felt. Here in particular, he loves an awesome girl who is in love with her current douchebag boyfriend. Everyone else knows what a shithead he is, but she won't leave him. (Psst Kenny, girls like assholes. I know this now). I swear this song encapsulated my freshman year as I chased a girl who was dating a senior with 2 DUIs, a DWI, and was a complete asshat in addition. I basically listened to this song every night and cried myself to sleep...No that only happened like...3 times, but I did listen to this song enough that even my pop-punk allergic roommate could be seen nodding his head and mouthing the words after about a week. Its also probably the most fun and upbeat a depressing song could be, thats why TSL is wicked.
4) Senses Fail-Lady in a Blue Dress
Everyone has been in the relationship where the other half is completely immature, or in some way flawed to the point that they are draining the relationship and they do so by projecting their issues onto you and making it your fault. How can your respect and value others when you have none for yourself? This song could also be entitled "Dear most girls at Miami that Justin got involved with". I know, its shocking that a guy who had dalliances with mostly younger girls encountered a few with no self respect and staggering immaturity. I mean, this song takes it to a harsher and more sinister level at times, but the chorus is pretty fricken strong and so I give them my blessing to sum up my feelings on the topic.
5) Jason Mraz-On Love In Sadness
I can't be a complete downer. This song just does it for me. Sometimes these relationships and situations suck, but really, when it comes down to it, I'm not sure myself or anyone else would rather have it any other way. It makes you laugh, it makes you cry, it makes you tingly, its just a clusterfuck of emotions, but you ride out the storm and enjoy it. Cause much like some of the theme of 0% interest, its the better times that get you through the rough spots. Its ironic that I would be the one to talk about perspective, but sometimes you need it, and this song gives it.
So yeah, thats whats been on my mind. Happy April Fools Day. My mom called me today to inform me that the check that I just got from them for some things that I was going to use to pay my rent today would bounce cause they had a mini financial crisis and not to cash it. I flipped out and almost put a huge cash advance on my credit card in panic before my mom called back laughing manically. Thanks mom, way to give the kid, who up to 3 weeks ago had been unemployed and is thus uber stressed about money, a near heart attack for your sick pleasure. She then informed me that I was the only one she pranked today. This day blows...
So Ive mentioned Northstar before, as they have in the last 6 months gone from a band that Ive enjoyed to one of my top 5 fav bands ever, hands down, which is quite impressive. Well I got my hands on a cd of B-sides and acoustic covers. I specifically have been obsessed with the acoustic versions of For Members Only, My Ricochet, and the cover of Chesterfield Kings, a punk song slowed down to a gorgeous folky gem. So if they weren't your thing initially, try these on for size. If you liked them before, you'll LOVE this. And if you've never heard them, what are you waiting for? Have I ever steered you wrong?
"Why don't you melt way down here, With heaven so far and hell so near"
JW
One of my favorite movies is High Fidelity. John Cusack, Jack Black, record store, just pure quality. Well one of the whole tenants of the movie is the idea of Top 5 lists, be it top 5 break ups, or top 5 songs about death. So as I was listening to Pandora at work today (let me just say thank you to Pandora for no longer sucking and now providing me with entertainment daily), I heard a few songs and crafted my own top 5 song list...
Top 5 Songs that encapsulate a set of emotions pertaining to the opposite sex:
(Yes that is a mouthful, but I am a ridiculously verbose person and frankly know no other way to phrase it. And yes, its skewed towards females, cause I am a male...get it?)
1) The Used-Bulimic
This and other portions of this top 5 will be a bit angsty, but you've been cautioned. For me, this is the perfect embodiment of the emotional catharsis and that tipping point when you realize a faulty relationship is over and you are better off because of it...and that other person can suck it. Funnily enough, my ex who I am still really good friends with introduced me to it as I was trying to deal with another messed up situation. Just brilliant in its simplicity and honesty. And while a bit coarse, the title refering to the purging of all the old emotions and unhappiness, is pretty clever.
2) Blink 182- Online Songs
Easily is one of my favorite Blink songs. Again so simplistic yet so completely representative of that feeling. Whether you are chasing after the girl you just lost, or more reminiscent of my past, you are pining for that dreamy vixen who loves to string you along while seemingly making out with everyone else you know, Mark and Tom share your pain. Not to mention its so damn catchy to sing "Na na na na" that you probably will forget all about that foolish trollop
3) The Starting Line- Saddest Girl Story
Remember when you were 17 and you desperately wanted to write songs about how you were feeling but you could never find the right words cause they seemed cheesy or too basic? Oh maybe that was just me, but luckily enough Kenny from the Starting Line did it for me. This song and basically every other song off of "Say It Like You Mean It" is just blatantly saying what we have all thought and felt. Here in particular, he loves an awesome girl who is in love with her current douchebag boyfriend. Everyone else knows what a shithead he is, but she won't leave him. (Psst Kenny, girls like assholes. I know this now). I swear this song encapsulated my freshman year as I chased a girl who was dating a senior with 2 DUIs, a DWI, and was a complete asshat in addition. I basically listened to this song every night and cried myself to sleep...No that only happened like...3 times, but I did listen to this song enough that even my pop-punk allergic roommate could be seen nodding his head and mouthing the words after about a week. Its also probably the most fun and upbeat a depressing song could be, thats why TSL is wicked.
4) Senses Fail-Lady in a Blue Dress
Everyone has been in the relationship where the other half is completely immature, or in some way flawed to the point that they are draining the relationship and they do so by projecting their issues onto you and making it your fault. How can your respect and value others when you have none for yourself? This song could also be entitled "Dear most girls at Miami that Justin got involved with". I know, its shocking that a guy who had dalliances with mostly younger girls encountered a few with no self respect and staggering immaturity. I mean, this song takes it to a harsher and more sinister level at times, but the chorus is pretty fricken strong and so I give them my blessing to sum up my feelings on the topic.
5) Jason Mraz-On Love In Sadness
I can't be a complete downer. This song just does it for me. Sometimes these relationships and situations suck, but really, when it comes down to it, I'm not sure myself or anyone else would rather have it any other way. It makes you laugh, it makes you cry, it makes you tingly, its just a clusterfuck of emotions, but you ride out the storm and enjoy it. Cause much like some of the theme of 0% interest, its the better times that get you through the rough spots. Its ironic that I would be the one to talk about perspective, but sometimes you need it, and this song gives it.
So yeah, thats whats been on my mind. Happy April Fools Day. My mom called me today to inform me that the check that I just got from them for some things that I was going to use to pay my rent today would bounce cause they had a mini financial crisis and not to cash it. I flipped out and almost put a huge cash advance on my credit card in panic before my mom called back laughing manically. Thanks mom, way to give the kid, who up to 3 weeks ago had been unemployed and is thus uber stressed about money, a near heart attack for your sick pleasure. She then informed me that I was the only one she pranked today. This day blows...
So Ive mentioned Northstar before, as they have in the last 6 months gone from a band that Ive enjoyed to one of my top 5 fav bands ever, hands down, which is quite impressive. Well I got my hands on a cd of B-sides and acoustic covers. I specifically have been obsessed with the acoustic versions of For Members Only, My Ricochet, and the cover of Chesterfield Kings, a punk song slowed down to a gorgeous folky gem. So if they weren't your thing initially, try these on for size. If you liked them before, you'll LOVE this. And if you've never heard them, what are you waiting for? Have I ever steered you wrong?
"Why don't you melt way down here, With heaven so far and hell so near"
JW
Friday, March 27, 2009
A little of this, a little of that...
So, its 4 PM on a Friday, and my weekend has already begun. I love my new work schedule. Getting off at 3-3:15 could be the coolest thing ever. Also, its a pretty good sign when today, during training, I almost started giggling and clapping my hands together with glee...much like a small child about to open a present or waiting patiently in line for a roller coaster. I am still 2 weeks away from full fledged trading on my own, so each day we get a little more revealed to us. But for whatever reason, today we were going over the building of positions and market swings (I won't go any further into detail at the risk of confusing people with crazy trading terminology) but what he was talking about was so cool and sounded so interesting/fun/exciting/etc... that I was beside myself. Yes, I am a huge dork, but whatever, Im excited about not hating my job.
Today was also the first day that we traded live in small doses. I sat down at my terminal and logged in and realized that if I pushed a certain set of keys, even accidentally, money was going be changing hands instantaneously. It was kind of an adrenaline rush, but also terrifying. I don't get shaky, but my hands definitely felt a little unsteady. It was like when you are in HS and are about to ask a girl you REALLY like to Prom or Homecoming. You are wired and really nervous, but yet pretty excited, but its all amplified by the thought that this could really go wrong in an instant. I guess thats what keeps traders sharp. It also felt like the first time I ever performed at an Open Mic. I wasn't afraid of being up there and I was so stoked to be playing, yet my hands felt like when you get shocked. That constant feeling of electricity flowing through your peripherals. It gets manageable, but its still there every time, but now it feels awesome. So if trading every day feels like performing, then I think I've made an awesome choice.
Random observations:
-Why can't people smile or even return a look that is not complete digust/scorn/revulsion when you make eye contact passing them on the street? It just pisses me off that when you make direct eye contact with someone, you can't just nod or smile or make some acknowledgement that your life doesnt completely suck. I mean, everyone has bad days, but I feel like 80% of the people I pass, male or female, give me a look like I told them to go fist themselves whenever I give a brief smile or hello. I mean, I say hi to every homeless person down in the Loop cause at least they say something back. I just pretend its "Hey, hope you have a great day."
-My mentor at work is going to be a father on Monday, his wife is being induced at 3 AM. He is 3 years older than me. To me that is just crazy. I love kids and I look forward to having them someday, but it just seems so far away. Life moves so fucking fast in your 20s it seems like. Not the actual passage of time per se, but more the fact that most people, in a decade, go from being stupid debaucherous college kids to having careers, being married, and perhaps even producing little offspring. Thats nuts. I mean, you always think of your parents as older and "adult", but I mean, my Mom was barely 24 when I was born...I turn 24 in 3 and a half months, ahhh. And I mean, I remember being 6-7 and waking up each morning to find the high scores on my video games beaten. By whom? My dad of course. He was in his early 30s at that point, which makes complete sense now. So thats scary to think about how soon it could be, but kind of cool, because being a cool hip younger parent is always something I think you strive for. Idk, just talking to hear my own voice here.
-On that note, my dad turned 50 on Wed. Kind of crazy to think about. But it made me think about how proud I am of my own father and how I hope to possess half of the stones he does about some things at that age. Is my father a perfect man? No, my mom and I both will tell you there are times we want to push him down a hill, but his selflessness and work ethic are just absurd. I will fully admit that some of the gifts and talents I have been blessed with have been wasted and ignored in the past, but when Ive found out that my dad was in large part the same way when he was younger. Needless to say, it makes me confident and determined for the future. Especially cause he didnt have those similar experiences from my Grandpa to reflect on and use to better himself. For all my faults and my father's as well, he has been my biggest supporter and my harshest critic, for my own good. I am a complete mixture of my parents. My dad's analytical and critical thinking skills, and business sense. And my mom's remarkable social fluidity and ability to read, understand, and interact with people. His left brained nature and my mom's right brained nature are perfectly mixed in me it seems. Some kids go to certain parents cause they know how to manipulate them. I go to my mom when I have social issues (girls, friends, mental spastic-ness) and my dad whenever I have questions on business, life, and living up to my own ridiculous expectations. Sometimes I just really need to slap myself and realize how good I have it. So when you get a chance, tell your parents thank you and that you love them. I don't exaggerate in the least when I say that I want to be like my parents when I grow up.
So on the heels of that heady and philosophical commentary, we need music equally as so. Thrice-Stare at the Sun. This song is gorgeous, rocks your face off, and has a brilliant and intelligent lyrical focus. Perfect right? Artist in the Ambulance is my absolute favorite Thrice song, but I feel like Stare at the Sun is the perfect "starter" Thrice song. They have some intense material, but its a bit more accessible but still intense and incredible. The first 30 seconds are sublime and would definitely be my entrance music for anything I ever did requiring it, such as taking the stage for something. Also, the lyrics about their lead singer's search for his spiritual identity and finding the complete meaning in his faith, which for me is a completely relateable topic. Being a very spiritual and fairly religious person but still seeking and questioning cause I want to know more and make it feel all the more tangible. Its awesome to have a fav band of mine addressing the same thing. This band has went from being a bunch of pop-punk skater kids from CA, to the CD "Artist in the Ambulance" which is just beyond description, and their more recent stuff is very atmospheric, orchestral, and experimental. Just remarkable.
So the moral of the story, listen to some Thrice, smile at some people on the street, and call your parents. Have a great weekend.
"Know that there's a point I missed, shrine or stone I haven't kissed, a scar thats never graced my wrist, a mirror that hasn't met my fist but I can't help, feeling like Im due for a miracle..."
JW
Today was also the first day that we traded live in small doses. I sat down at my terminal and logged in and realized that if I pushed a certain set of keys, even accidentally, money was going be changing hands instantaneously. It was kind of an adrenaline rush, but also terrifying. I don't get shaky, but my hands definitely felt a little unsteady. It was like when you are in HS and are about to ask a girl you REALLY like to Prom or Homecoming. You are wired and really nervous, but yet pretty excited, but its all amplified by the thought that this could really go wrong in an instant. I guess thats what keeps traders sharp. It also felt like the first time I ever performed at an Open Mic. I wasn't afraid of being up there and I was so stoked to be playing, yet my hands felt like when you get shocked. That constant feeling of electricity flowing through your peripherals. It gets manageable, but its still there every time, but now it feels awesome. So if trading every day feels like performing, then I think I've made an awesome choice.
Random observations:
-Why can't people smile or even return a look that is not complete digust/scorn/revulsion when you make eye contact passing them on the street? It just pisses me off that when you make direct eye contact with someone, you can't just nod or smile or make some acknowledgement that your life doesnt completely suck. I mean, everyone has bad days, but I feel like 80% of the people I pass, male or female, give me a look like I told them to go fist themselves whenever I give a brief smile or hello. I mean, I say hi to every homeless person down in the Loop cause at least they say something back. I just pretend its "Hey, hope you have a great day."
-My mentor at work is going to be a father on Monday, his wife is being induced at 3 AM. He is 3 years older than me. To me that is just crazy. I love kids and I look forward to having them someday, but it just seems so far away. Life moves so fucking fast in your 20s it seems like. Not the actual passage of time per se, but more the fact that most people, in a decade, go from being stupid debaucherous college kids to having careers, being married, and perhaps even producing little offspring. Thats nuts. I mean, you always think of your parents as older and "adult", but I mean, my Mom was barely 24 when I was born...I turn 24 in 3 and a half months, ahhh. And I mean, I remember being 6-7 and waking up each morning to find the high scores on my video games beaten. By whom? My dad of course. He was in his early 30s at that point, which makes complete sense now. So thats scary to think about how soon it could be, but kind of cool, because being a cool hip younger parent is always something I think you strive for. Idk, just talking to hear my own voice here.
-On that note, my dad turned 50 on Wed. Kind of crazy to think about. But it made me think about how proud I am of my own father and how I hope to possess half of the stones he does about some things at that age. Is my father a perfect man? No, my mom and I both will tell you there are times we want to push him down a hill, but his selflessness and work ethic are just absurd. I will fully admit that some of the gifts and talents I have been blessed with have been wasted and ignored in the past, but when Ive found out that my dad was in large part the same way when he was younger. Needless to say, it makes me confident and determined for the future. Especially cause he didnt have those similar experiences from my Grandpa to reflect on and use to better himself. For all my faults and my father's as well, he has been my biggest supporter and my harshest critic, for my own good. I am a complete mixture of my parents. My dad's analytical and critical thinking skills, and business sense. And my mom's remarkable social fluidity and ability to read, understand, and interact with people. His left brained nature and my mom's right brained nature are perfectly mixed in me it seems. Some kids go to certain parents cause they know how to manipulate them. I go to my mom when I have social issues (girls, friends, mental spastic-ness) and my dad whenever I have questions on business, life, and living up to my own ridiculous expectations. Sometimes I just really need to slap myself and realize how good I have it. So when you get a chance, tell your parents thank you and that you love them. I don't exaggerate in the least when I say that I want to be like my parents when I grow up.
So on the heels of that heady and philosophical commentary, we need music equally as so. Thrice-Stare at the Sun. This song is gorgeous, rocks your face off, and has a brilliant and intelligent lyrical focus. Perfect right? Artist in the Ambulance is my absolute favorite Thrice song, but I feel like Stare at the Sun is the perfect "starter" Thrice song. They have some intense material, but its a bit more accessible but still intense and incredible. The first 30 seconds are sublime and would definitely be my entrance music for anything I ever did requiring it, such as taking the stage for something. Also, the lyrics about their lead singer's search for his spiritual identity and finding the complete meaning in his faith, which for me is a completely relateable topic. Being a very spiritual and fairly religious person but still seeking and questioning cause I want to know more and make it feel all the more tangible. Its awesome to have a fav band of mine addressing the same thing. This band has went from being a bunch of pop-punk skater kids from CA, to the CD "Artist in the Ambulance" which is just beyond description, and their more recent stuff is very atmospheric, orchestral, and experimental. Just remarkable.
So the moral of the story, listen to some Thrice, smile at some people on the street, and call your parents. Have a great weekend.
"Know that there's a point I missed, shrine or stone I haven't kissed, a scar thats never graced my wrist, a mirror that hasn't met my fist but I can't help, feeling like Im due for a miracle..."
JW
Monday, March 23, 2009
Jack Frost, I got a bullet with your name on it...
So pardon me as I rant for a moment. I stepped outside this morning, the first Monday of Spring, fresh faced and ready for the week, only to be blown back by a cold wind, and retreated back upstairs to grab a jacket.
Now last Friday was March 20th which means two things: 1) my little sisters birthday (Happy 15th to Ms. Cassidy Wagner) and 2) the first day of Spring. Well to me, Spring signifies sunshine, and rebirth, and fresh attitudes, and most importantly, better weather. Well, having grown up my entire life in the "northern" part of the Midwest, I should know that this is patently false. One thing I truly miss about being at school in SW Ohio was the fact that not only did Spring usually arrive in late Feb, but once it warmed up, usually it was warm for good. None of this 60 one day, 20 the next for a month to two month period as I always got in Milwaukee and now in Chicago. Really, Spring lasted 2 months, the end of April, through June 20th. The rest was a 5 month long winter. It got me thinking, Winter is completely worthless. In my maturation, I have come to realize that I hate cold weather, just despise it, so it pretty much renders Winter a waste of time. Lets examine the pros and cons of Winter. And then I will just demolish the Pros and expose Winter for the frigid bitch she is.
These were my Pros growing up:
Skiing
Christmas
Snow/Sledding/Snowmen
College Basketball
Alright, so Skiing. I love skiing, its one of my favorite things, Im awesome at it, yadda yadda. I haven't been skiing in the Midwest since I was a JR in HS. I got to CO usually once a year, so I get my fix there. So I dont need "winter" for that. I could do that living in Hot-lanta. Christmas, well technically, Christmas takes place 5 days after Winter starts. So fine, Winter is awesome for 2 weeks, Christmas through New Years. Snow/Sledding/Snowmen...I now live in a city. Snow is obnoxious, its everywhere and its feet deep and the salt destroys clothes and your floors. Lame. And sledding? Well lets just say there are no hills in Lincoln Park. College Basketball is still amazing, but I could enjoy that just as much in a place where Winter doesnt exist, like Miami Beach, and besides, its capped off by March Madness, which takes place in Spring.
Ok, so for the purposes of my argument, I am directly associating Winter with cold weather and snow. The "winter" they have in the South must be great actually. 50 degrees, little break from the heat, show off a bit different wardrobe. I could get down with that.
Winter is just a giant figurative, and literal, cockblock/cocktease. I mean good things don't happen in winter. Feeling under the weather? Awesome, maybe you will feel better in April, cause you certainly won't get healthy during Winter. Feeling lonesome and unhappily single? Get used to it cause Winter makes every single person's chances as pathetic as those people on TV who weren't accepted to Match.com and are shilling for some other crackerjack site. Relationships are like flowers, they need to grow and bloom. Well nothing grows and blooms in Winter, shit dies as Winter hovers around like the obnoxious friend who wont let you get your swerve on cause they think you have had 1 too many spirits. Come to think about it, Winter is like that bitchy girl in HS you had a huge crush on. She is mean, makes you feel terrible, your friends hate her, you don't find any new love cause you are hung up on her, but yet you still think there is something good about her, maybe it was how good she looked running in a sports bra during Cross Country practice, but you really can't recall. There has to be right? Then you graduate HS and the truth smacks you in the face and you realize how foolish you were. She really did suck.
Well I have graduated, all that propaganda about being able to enjoy all 4 seasons...hogwash. I love fall and spring is sweet too, so I would gladly take and extra month of each with a brief timeout in the middle somewhere.
Phew, I am glad I got that off my chest. I refuse to let Winter facewash me anymore. I am standing up to Mother Nature at the end of next fall, we'll see how that goes. In the meantime, I am just praying Spring arrives semi on schedule. Its supposed to be 65 tomorrow, but as I write this, there is a bad blizzard in Wyoming, so I fear some weather nonsense is coming after me shortly. In the meantime, I am just not going to bring a coat tomorrow...cause I am a BAMF.
Edit: I wore a jacket today, cause even the awesome are not immune to cold winds. 60+ temps my ass...
Ever have one of those moments where you are sitting at your desk and a song you haven't listened to in a long time just pops in your head? Completely unannounced, haven't listened to the band in awhile, etc...Not some annoying Top 40 jam or $5 footlong, but a legit awesome song. Well it happened to me on Friday, with Saosin-Its So Simple. I have always thought Saosin was underrated. Sweet band name, pretty cool musically styling, just inventive music. Plus, the lead singer's name is Cove. Thats a baller ass name. Not annoyingly different like Apple or Pilot Inspektor, just baller different. And listen to that note he hits in the chorus, just insane. Anyways, this song rocks my face and the lyrics are pretty good thinking material. Draw your own conclusions.
"Its so simple to be afraid, Its so simple when you know who you are..."
JW
Now last Friday was March 20th which means two things: 1) my little sisters birthday (Happy 15th to Ms. Cassidy Wagner) and 2) the first day of Spring. Well to me, Spring signifies sunshine, and rebirth, and fresh attitudes, and most importantly, better weather. Well, having grown up my entire life in the "northern" part of the Midwest, I should know that this is patently false. One thing I truly miss about being at school in SW Ohio was the fact that not only did Spring usually arrive in late Feb, but once it warmed up, usually it was warm for good. None of this 60 one day, 20 the next for a month to two month period as I always got in Milwaukee and now in Chicago. Really, Spring lasted 2 months, the end of April, through June 20th. The rest was a 5 month long winter. It got me thinking, Winter is completely worthless. In my maturation, I have come to realize that I hate cold weather, just despise it, so it pretty much renders Winter a waste of time. Lets examine the pros and cons of Winter. And then I will just demolish the Pros and expose Winter for the frigid bitch she is.
These were my Pros growing up:
Skiing
Christmas
Snow/Sledding/Snowmen
College Basketball
Alright, so Skiing. I love skiing, its one of my favorite things, Im awesome at it, yadda yadda. I haven't been skiing in the Midwest since I was a JR in HS. I got to CO usually once a year, so I get my fix there. So I dont need "winter" for that. I could do that living in Hot-lanta. Christmas, well technically, Christmas takes place 5 days after Winter starts. So fine, Winter is awesome for 2 weeks, Christmas through New Years. Snow/Sledding/Snowmen...I now live in a city. Snow is obnoxious, its everywhere and its feet deep and the salt destroys clothes and your floors. Lame. And sledding? Well lets just say there are no hills in Lincoln Park. College Basketball is still amazing, but I could enjoy that just as much in a place where Winter doesnt exist, like Miami Beach, and besides, its capped off by March Madness, which takes place in Spring.
Ok, so for the purposes of my argument, I am directly associating Winter with cold weather and snow. The "winter" they have in the South must be great actually. 50 degrees, little break from the heat, show off a bit different wardrobe. I could get down with that.
Winter is just a giant figurative, and literal, cockblock/cocktease. I mean good things don't happen in winter. Feeling under the weather? Awesome, maybe you will feel better in April, cause you certainly won't get healthy during Winter. Feeling lonesome and unhappily single? Get used to it cause Winter makes every single person's chances as pathetic as those people on TV who weren't accepted to Match.com and are shilling for some other crackerjack site. Relationships are like flowers, they need to grow and bloom. Well nothing grows and blooms in Winter, shit dies as Winter hovers around like the obnoxious friend who wont let you get your swerve on cause they think you have had 1 too many spirits. Come to think about it, Winter is like that bitchy girl in HS you had a huge crush on. She is mean, makes you feel terrible, your friends hate her, you don't find any new love cause you are hung up on her, but yet you still think there is something good about her, maybe it was how good she looked running in a sports bra during Cross Country practice, but you really can't recall. There has to be right? Then you graduate HS and the truth smacks you in the face and you realize how foolish you were. She really did suck.
Well I have graduated, all that propaganda about being able to enjoy all 4 seasons...hogwash. I love fall and spring is sweet too, so I would gladly take and extra month of each with a brief timeout in the middle somewhere.
Phew, I am glad I got that off my chest. I refuse to let Winter facewash me anymore. I am standing up to Mother Nature at the end of next fall, we'll see how that goes. In the meantime, I am just praying Spring arrives semi on schedule. Its supposed to be 65 tomorrow, but as I write this, there is a bad blizzard in Wyoming, so I fear some weather nonsense is coming after me shortly. In the meantime, I am just not going to bring a coat tomorrow...cause I am a BAMF.
Edit: I wore a jacket today, cause even the awesome are not immune to cold winds. 60+ temps my ass...
Ever have one of those moments where you are sitting at your desk and a song you haven't listened to in a long time just pops in your head? Completely unannounced, haven't listened to the band in awhile, etc...Not some annoying Top 40 jam or $5 footlong, but a legit awesome song. Well it happened to me on Friday, with Saosin-Its So Simple. I have always thought Saosin was underrated. Sweet band name, pretty cool musically styling, just inventive music. Plus, the lead singer's name is Cove. Thats a baller ass name. Not annoyingly different like Apple or Pilot Inspektor, just baller different. And listen to that note he hits in the chorus, just insane. Anyways, this song rocks my face and the lyrics are pretty good thinking material. Draw your own conclusions.
"Its so simple to be afraid, Its so simple when you know who you are..."
JW
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