So this past weekend was the 1 year anniversary of my college graduation. Getting texts from people, seeing related Facebook messages, all the assorted paraphernalia. Needless to say I started thinking initially about how I missed college, but then more so about how the past year has went.
It seems almost surreal thinking its been a year. I vividly remember sitting in that graduation ceremony being terrified. I wasn't excited, I wasn't necessarily nervous, I was just scared. For some reason, the gravity and "accomplishment" aspect of graduating never really hit me. I hate to say I took it for granted, but I guess I always assumed it was given, the next step in a process. So when people were offering congrats, I just kind of shrugged it off and said I would accept it once I got a job. But I was scared because for all intensive purposes, college went EXTREMELY well. I came in a complete blank slate ready to reinvent myself and leave my old high school self behind. And I did. I crafted a social circle I never had before and basically got after it in other aspects of life that I wanted to. But now I was leaving it all behind and worry began creeping into my head about whether or not I would be able to continue this "good streak" outside of the friendly confines of Oxford and Mother Miami. All I knew was that if you stripped away the fear, I was ready to go.
So now here I am, a year later, and honestly, it has flown by. I spent the first 2 months post graduation looking for a job. It was horrible and indescribably frustrating. Here I am ready to move on, put college behind me in a positive way, and Im just spinning my wheels. But since then, Ive gotten a job, moved to Chicago, gotten laid off, went jobless for 2 months, got a job doing exactly what I wanted to do post college, and now here I am 1 year later. In some ways it still hasn't clicked yet. I get up to go to work everyday, and once I wake up, I can't wait to get in there. Even during my internships which were fun and fresh, it was still work and I didn't relish going in daily. Now with this job, I get excited in a way I sure as hell never did for class. That makes leaving college behind that much easier. The other day I was walking in Wrigleyville and I was stopped to talk a picture of some tourists in front of Wrigley Field. I got hit with that "Wow, Im actually living in Chicago, I always thought about this when I was a kid" sort of feeling. I still get that incredulous child-like wonder about random things in life. I don't know when that stops as you get older, but frankly I hope it never does, cause its kind of cool. The whole idea of going to work everyday and "living in the big city" still kind of feels foreign; natural and routine, but foreign.
So in all this change and time flying by, and how everything still feels new, I wonder if I really am any different cause my "college self" would still think this whole post college life in Chicago was pretty crazy and whimsical too. Well for one, I think I am alot more comfortable with myself as a person. I don't mean in a cheesy "I love myself so much!" sort of way, but the fact that you find out different things about yourself pretty quick after college. For one, everything slows down a bit. I mean your life progresses as normal, but unlike in college, everything isn't broken up into 3-4 month chunks where your schedule and social circles are changing constantly. So you can really figure out what you're all about and what you need from others in your life to be most successful. I don't crave monotony or excessive structure, but I love the whole idea that if something is working or going well, it doesn't have to end because its the end of a semester, or summer, or someone is graduating. Everything has a feeling of pseudo stability, that is if you want it to, thus you can really focus on it and make it happen. Or if something is wrong, you address it in a timely fashion otherwise it can persist as long as you let it. You can't be saved by the semester bell. I guess the bottom line is there is an accountability and an empowerment I didn't necessarily feel in college. If I'm not happy with something currently, being it socially, professionally, entertainment wise...I live in the 3rd largest city in the best damn country in the world. Its my own damn fault if I am unhappy. Thats a tough lesson to learn, but once I did and I realized the resources at my disposal, it really made it tough to get bummed out about anything or feel sorry for myself. Those were two qualities I perfect in spells at Miami usually blaming them on a stagnant social scene or the shackles of living in a college town. No excuses now, so now regrets.
I guess the bottom line, as weird as it is to say, I am loving being a "real adult" and am as happy overall as I ever was when I was in college. Yeah bills suck, I stress over money, things don't always go as planned (for the first time in my life I sit awake at night thinking about the future and what I really want for myself and how to do it), but I seem to be able to find silver linings to every storm cloud alot easier than I did in college. I would give anything to do freshman year of college over, but in terms of just going back to college in general? I honestly will take where I am now and how I am doing in a second. And that realization is probably one of the most refreshing and goosebump giving thoughts Ive ever had. The fear is gone and its been replaced by optimism and hope...
Speaking of college, at work today I had a song pop into my head I literally had not heard/listened to since I left Miami. I listened to The Sounds-Night after Night all the time before I went out cause it just seemed to resonate with me. I guess the chorus seemed to speak to my mindset about alot of things and how I wanted to move forward. Then I listened to the piano version when studying cause its chill and just awesome. Its rare for a song to be in two forms, both of which are significantly different, but nonetheless moving. Plus I love her voice, its not perfect and clean, but it works perfectly.
"Night after night, you say you move on. Tomorrow, tomorrow, Now whats holding you back?"
JW
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
Rantin' and Ravin' Storytime
So I don't really have any particular topic, but there were some things that left an impression on me in the last 24 hours.
Rant:
I am SICK of this swine flu garbage. I understand its potentially serious, but the hysteria they are putting people in by calling this much attention to it is insane. There are 91 cases in the US. 91 among 400 million people. And even more so, the only fatalities and risk to fatalities are young children and the elderly. What does that sound like? Idk...the normal flu? At work, all I hear on CNBC is swine flu reports all day. Its now about 75% swine flu and 25% financial news...awesome. Wash your hands and be smart, don't panic. Bah.
Next, I was reading the Red Eye this morning and their was a whole article about how to get arms like Michelle Obama. Hold on...what? Are there really women across the country lusting after Michelle Obama's arms and shoulders? This is just ridiculous. First we had to hear about Michelle Obama the style maven and how you can copy her style, and now she is a fitness icon? This transcends politics. I mean, support Obama, he is our president and he became a rock star in the campaign, etc etc... But now the hero worship has moved on to the first lady? Excuse me while I throw up on my copy of US Weekly. I must have missed the articles in the past about Barbara Bush's creamy athletic calves and Hilary Clinton's toned mid section. Ive been feeling a bit out of shape lately, I think I will look to Barney Frank's work out routine since he has been in the headlines for bank related political news.
Rave:
I somehow slept through my alarm today and didnt wake up til 7:18. Now I normally leave my apartment between 7:20-7:30. And I still did. Thats right, I took a shower, made a sandwich for lunch, and ate breakfast in less than 15 minutes. Needless to say, I was feeling quite smug and proud of myself on the train this morning.
So storytime. First was the man I encountered leaving the train yesterday morning. He, while disheveled, didn't have the appearance of being homeless. But he was horribly slurring his words and stumbling a bit while yelling this at various commuters:
"Hey man, can you spare a dollar or so? I need to buy a rubber. I have to practice safe sex."
I was so stunned I couldn't even chuckle. If he indeed was drunk, at 730 in the morning, to this extent, then that is quite the feat. And I applaud him for seeking protection before engaging in also sorts of vigorous outdoor vagrant sex, it probably runs a high risk of swine flu or something. On the other hand, I am more inclined to believe that he mentally was just not right, and that is kind of sombering and sad. I think Ill go with the former and chuckle at the disturbing aspects of fornicating street urchins.
Then, later, on my commute home, I overheard this amazing conversation between two mid 20s fratty young professionals.
Fratty 1: Hey dude, wanna hit the gym?
Fratty 2: No man, I gotta go tanning.
*Editors note: Normally this would not be a big deal, guys tan, I know this, I went to Miami, just wait*
Fratty 1: You tan dude? Thats kind of gay, haha.
Fratty 2: Man, my girl makes me do it. She won't hook up with me otherwise. She said pale skin is a complete turn off.
Fratty 1: Oh alright, thats completely legit. You're definitely not pale now.
I almost choked on my own saliva I was laughing so hard while remaining silent as I looked out the window. It was just too priceless. I love the CTA.
Ive been listening to The Shower Scene by Brand New all day, you should too.
"Go tell him how my wrist is sore, from pulling out your insides. Nothing that you do is new to anything or anyone but you..."
JW
Rant:
I am SICK of this swine flu garbage. I understand its potentially serious, but the hysteria they are putting people in by calling this much attention to it is insane. There are 91 cases in the US. 91 among 400 million people. And even more so, the only fatalities and risk to fatalities are young children and the elderly. What does that sound like? Idk...the normal flu? At work, all I hear on CNBC is swine flu reports all day. Its now about 75% swine flu and 25% financial news...awesome. Wash your hands and be smart, don't panic. Bah.
Next, I was reading the Red Eye this morning and their was a whole article about how to get arms like Michelle Obama. Hold on...what? Are there really women across the country lusting after Michelle Obama's arms and shoulders? This is just ridiculous. First we had to hear about Michelle Obama the style maven and how you can copy her style, and now she is a fitness icon? This transcends politics. I mean, support Obama, he is our president and he became a rock star in the campaign, etc etc... But now the hero worship has moved on to the first lady? Excuse me while I throw up on my copy of US Weekly. I must have missed the articles in the past about Barbara Bush's creamy athletic calves and Hilary Clinton's toned mid section. Ive been feeling a bit out of shape lately, I think I will look to Barney Frank's work out routine since he has been in the headlines for bank related political news.
Rave:
I somehow slept through my alarm today and didnt wake up til 7:18. Now I normally leave my apartment between 7:20-7:30. And I still did. Thats right, I took a shower, made a sandwich for lunch, and ate breakfast in less than 15 minutes. Needless to say, I was feeling quite smug and proud of myself on the train this morning.
So storytime. First was the man I encountered leaving the train yesterday morning. He, while disheveled, didn't have the appearance of being homeless. But he was horribly slurring his words and stumbling a bit while yelling this at various commuters:
"Hey man, can you spare a dollar or so? I need to buy a rubber. I have to practice safe sex."
I was so stunned I couldn't even chuckle. If he indeed was drunk, at 730 in the morning, to this extent, then that is quite the feat. And I applaud him for seeking protection before engaging in also sorts of vigorous outdoor vagrant sex, it probably runs a high risk of swine flu or something. On the other hand, I am more inclined to believe that he mentally was just not right, and that is kind of sombering and sad. I think Ill go with the former and chuckle at the disturbing aspects of fornicating street urchins.
Then, later, on my commute home, I overheard this amazing conversation between two mid 20s fratty young professionals.
Fratty 1: Hey dude, wanna hit the gym?
Fratty 2: No man, I gotta go tanning.
*Editors note: Normally this would not be a big deal, guys tan, I know this, I went to Miami, just wait*
Fratty 1: You tan dude? Thats kind of gay, haha.
Fratty 2: Man, my girl makes me do it. She won't hook up with me otherwise. She said pale skin is a complete turn off.
Fratty 1: Oh alright, thats completely legit. You're definitely not pale now.
I almost choked on my own saliva I was laughing so hard while remaining silent as I looked out the window. It was just too priceless. I love the CTA.
Ive been listening to The Shower Scene by Brand New all day, you should too.
"Go tell him how my wrist is sore, from pulling out your insides. Nothing that you do is new to anything or anyone but you..."
JW
Monday, April 27, 2009
Summertime and Setlists
Forgive me readers, I have sinned. It has been a week plus since my last blog post. Anyways, I was thinking today on the train home about pros and cons. But you know what? Negativity can suck it. I realized over the last 2 days about the two things that never cease to put me in a positive mood, aphrodisiacs for life: Concerts and warm weather...as they never cease to turn me on, huzzah!
But seriously, this upturn in the temperature has just had put such an overwhelmingly positive sheen on my daily activities, its ridiculous. Last Friday, for example, my daily dance with the market left me as the awkward wallflower while she grinded seductively with the star quarterback. But I stepped outside and Mother Nature gave me a flirty 75 degree smack on the ass and suddenly all was right with the world. As I sat around with a few other traders, sipping beers on an outdoor patio, I realized how completely the weather can elevate mood. When I was younger, I was always a "fan" of winter, probably cause my dad always boasts about how Wisconsin gets all 4 seasons and he loves the cold temperatures. Then on a family trip to San Diego when I was a teen, it hit me...I hate the cold. I love fall, and 50 degrees (aka light jacket weather) is baller, but cold is just a dirty biatch. However, I think the only side benefit of the cold is the positively euphoric feeling that washes over you when the temperature starts to warm up. When you suddenly feel overheated walking down the street in your winter coat or when you suddenly crave the wind cause its not that caustic bitter maelstrom that comes busting up your fun in December. Though I do wonder how people in Hawaii or Florida feel when its nice every day. Does it ever get boring? Ill remember to look at that statement in February of next year when I suddenly remember that the cold relishes kicking me firmly in the groin. The difference between summer and winter is just so marked. Probably because, for example, I woke up this morning at 6:30 and it was sunny and nice outside. Contrast this with waking up at 6:30 in winter in complete darkness and howling winds, feeling like an extra in the Nightmare Before Christmas. No wonder everyone is just in a better mood. Don't believe me? Just pay attention this weekend or even during the week when you are out and about. There is just a tangible buzz in the air and everything just feels so much more positive, its pretty hard to explain, but easily to feel.
So last Tuesday I went to see Alkaline Trio and Saves the Day at the Metro. First off, it was an incredible show. Alkaline Trio has actively battled with Brand New as my favorite band for years now, and Saves the Day is one of the bands I honestly grew up with. I can remember listening to both of these bands when I was like 15. And the Metro is by far my favorite venue in Chicago. Just an awesome smaller venue, no thrills, awesome sound, and tons of history. So needless to say, it was an incredible show, one of the better ones I have seen in awhile. And this also cause me to contemplate how unbelievably pivotal live music is in my life. Besides my whole performing background, just being at shows is one of my zen "happy places" and can pull me out of whatever funk I may happen to be in. I think I realized it when I saw Fall Out Boy in HS. I was like 17, just old enough to drive around on my own (after my Dad's personal year probation period...lame) and I convinced my friends to let me go by myself. None of my friends could go/wanted to go, so I said fuck it and went by myself. I had such a blast that I would say I probably go to 50% of the concerts I see by myself. I mean, I welcome the company, but I love music enough that I get just as much out of it when it is me and the music. Well I left the show, and jogged the almost mile home, in the cold/pseudo rain, just buzzing. And the "high", if you will, last for the next two days, conveniently until the warm weather arrived. I don't know if its the emotion on stage, the sensory overload, or whatever, but I could go see a country concert and still probably walk away pumped up and pleased...and country music and I don't always get along.
So, to be brief and simple, if you are feeling morose, and its not warm out...go see a concert and you are going to be good to go. And like Levar Burton, you don't have to take my word for it!
So speaking of Saves the Day, they are a band I have listened to for close to 10 years, which is ridiculous to think about. And they have totally changed as a band in the time, seeing as they were still in HS when they formed. But it has always been upbeat, energy filled music, with ridiculous lyrics. And when I say ridiculous, I mean thoughtful, introspective, stirringly on point with common emotion and situations, and for a time, borderline disturbingly morbid. Every guy has wanted to change his physical appearance to please some teenager girl at some point, but not many are clever enough to write about removing their blue eyes because said girl has a crush on a guy with brown eyes. Like I said, kind of disturbing, but oh so awesome. And these lyrics are always saturate with melodies you won't soon stop humming and suddenly you will be singing these morbid lyrics when you are happy and in a good mood, cause thats just how upbeat and awesome these songs are. Chris Conely's voice takes a bit of getting used to for some people, but it fits the music so perfectly, anything else just wouldn't work. I could listen about 20 awesome songs, but Ill give you my top 3 favorites: Sell My Old Clothes I'm Off to Heaven; See You; and my all time favorite, the lyrical masterpiece, Rocks Tonic Juice Magic. Saves the Day is also the reason I still give Jersey some props even though everything I have every seen about the Jersey Shore makes me think the state is not deserving of props...zing!
"Cause you're beautiful, just not on the inside, yea. Light comes from within, your beaming eyes don't seem so bright..."
JW
But seriously, this upturn in the temperature has just had put such an overwhelmingly positive sheen on my daily activities, its ridiculous. Last Friday, for example, my daily dance with the market left me as the awkward wallflower while she grinded seductively with the star quarterback. But I stepped outside and Mother Nature gave me a flirty 75 degree smack on the ass and suddenly all was right with the world. As I sat around with a few other traders, sipping beers on an outdoor patio, I realized how completely the weather can elevate mood. When I was younger, I was always a "fan" of winter, probably cause my dad always boasts about how Wisconsin gets all 4 seasons and he loves the cold temperatures. Then on a family trip to San Diego when I was a teen, it hit me...I hate the cold. I love fall, and 50 degrees (aka light jacket weather) is baller, but cold is just a dirty biatch. However, I think the only side benefit of the cold is the positively euphoric feeling that washes over you when the temperature starts to warm up. When you suddenly feel overheated walking down the street in your winter coat or when you suddenly crave the wind cause its not that caustic bitter maelstrom that comes busting up your fun in December. Though I do wonder how people in Hawaii or Florida feel when its nice every day. Does it ever get boring? Ill remember to look at that statement in February of next year when I suddenly remember that the cold relishes kicking me firmly in the groin. The difference between summer and winter is just so marked. Probably because, for example, I woke up this morning at 6:30 and it was sunny and nice outside. Contrast this with waking up at 6:30 in winter in complete darkness and howling winds, feeling like an extra in the Nightmare Before Christmas. No wonder everyone is just in a better mood. Don't believe me? Just pay attention this weekend or even during the week when you are out and about. There is just a tangible buzz in the air and everything just feels so much more positive, its pretty hard to explain, but easily to feel.
So last Tuesday I went to see Alkaline Trio and Saves the Day at the Metro. First off, it was an incredible show. Alkaline Trio has actively battled with Brand New as my favorite band for years now, and Saves the Day is one of the bands I honestly grew up with. I can remember listening to both of these bands when I was like 15. And the Metro is by far my favorite venue in Chicago. Just an awesome smaller venue, no thrills, awesome sound, and tons of history. So needless to say, it was an incredible show, one of the better ones I have seen in awhile. And this also cause me to contemplate how unbelievably pivotal live music is in my life. Besides my whole performing background, just being at shows is one of my zen "happy places" and can pull me out of whatever funk I may happen to be in. I think I realized it when I saw Fall Out Boy in HS. I was like 17, just old enough to drive around on my own (after my Dad's personal year probation period...lame) and I convinced my friends to let me go by myself. None of my friends could go/wanted to go, so I said fuck it and went by myself. I had such a blast that I would say I probably go to 50% of the concerts I see by myself. I mean, I welcome the company, but I love music enough that I get just as much out of it when it is me and the music. Well I left the show, and jogged the almost mile home, in the cold/pseudo rain, just buzzing. And the "high", if you will, last for the next two days, conveniently until the warm weather arrived. I don't know if its the emotion on stage, the sensory overload, or whatever, but I could go see a country concert and still probably walk away pumped up and pleased...and country music and I don't always get along.
So, to be brief and simple, if you are feeling morose, and its not warm out...go see a concert and you are going to be good to go. And like Levar Burton, you don't have to take my word for it!
So speaking of Saves the Day, they are a band I have listened to for close to 10 years, which is ridiculous to think about. And they have totally changed as a band in the time, seeing as they were still in HS when they formed. But it has always been upbeat, energy filled music, with ridiculous lyrics. And when I say ridiculous, I mean thoughtful, introspective, stirringly on point with common emotion and situations, and for a time, borderline disturbingly morbid. Every guy has wanted to change his physical appearance to please some teenager girl at some point, but not many are clever enough to write about removing their blue eyes because said girl has a crush on a guy with brown eyes. Like I said, kind of disturbing, but oh so awesome. And these lyrics are always saturate with melodies you won't soon stop humming and suddenly you will be singing these morbid lyrics when you are happy and in a good mood, cause thats just how upbeat and awesome these songs are. Chris Conely's voice takes a bit of getting used to for some people, but it fits the music so perfectly, anything else just wouldn't work. I could listen about 20 awesome songs, but Ill give you my top 3 favorites: Sell My Old Clothes I'm Off to Heaven; See You; and my all time favorite, the lyrical masterpiece, Rocks Tonic Juice Magic. Saves the Day is also the reason I still give Jersey some props even though everything I have every seen about the Jersey Shore makes me think the state is not deserving of props...zing!
"Cause you're beautiful, just not on the inside, yea. Light comes from within, your beaming eyes don't seem so bright..."
JW
Thursday, April 16, 2009
Things are shaping up to be pretty odd...
Life is all about living life one step at a time and not getting ahead of yourself. Why do I suddenly say this you ask? Cause I was served a fresh reminder this afternoon.
So at around 2 this afternoon, market had an hour left, and I was sitting pretty. I was up 75% on the day, which at this point in my trading career is fantastic. Well instead of realizing that I was in a good place, I stated getting cocky and thinking about what a nice day it was outside. My thoughts basically proceeded as follows:
"Wow, I am up today, Im doing awesome."
"Its gorgeous out, Im definitely going to go out tonight. And its gonna be sweet cause I had a baller trading day."
"Hmm, this stock is looking shaky, maybe I should lay off...fuck that noise, look at how awesome I am trading...tonight is going to be alot of fun."
Well at that point, the market exacted its revenge and my footloose and fancy free style promptly blew up in my face. The stock I was trading, AVB in case any of you closet stock market nerds were interested, went from a steady rising cash cow, to being more indecisive and bipolar that a sorority girl. One minute she is introducing you to her friends and talking about one more drink before you two go back to her place...nice. Then suddenly you find out she is telling the whole campus you are a creeper and may or may not have herpes...what??
My last two HORRIBLE trades of the day were like slow motion. You know that moment when you shouldn't do something, but fuck it, you do it anyways? Yeah, it happened twice...damn I am such a moron sometimes. I ended up down 50%, yes, thats a 125% swing for the negative...sweet lord. Better now than when I am actually playing with alot more money, right? At least thats what Im telling myself.
So anyways, I get on the train just wanting to go home, maybe take a nap, and put it out of my mind, cause thats all you can do. I sit down on a half empty Purple Line car and start fiddling with my phone. I kind of zone out until I reach Merchandise Mart where I noticed a few people get on. I pay little mind as there are only a few people on the train and I am already next to the window. Suddenly I get the feeling that there is someone looking at me and I realize an older gentleman, probably in his 60s, wearing a cream trenchcoat is standing over me. He clearly is trying to inquire if the other half of my seat is taken. I give him a quizzical look (as there are a ton of completely open seats where sharing is not necessary) but kind of shift myself and my bag a bit and he sits down. Immediately I notice that he sat pretty fucking close. Like leg firmly against my leg close... As the train lurches forward, he places his hand on the seat in front of us to steady himself and keeps it there. No big deal...except that he is practically reaching across me and his hand is pretty much centered in front of my body.
Now I am getting a bit weirded out. I figure since he is older, maybe he doesn't have the same sense of personal space, maybe he is European, trying to figure something out here. In the meantime, I continue to stare at my phone. Suddenly I get that feeling of someone staring at you again, so I look up...
"Beautiful weather today isn't it?"
Ok, he is not European. Look for that wedding ring, nope, nothing there. I begin to get that awkward premonition...
"Oh yeah, I'm just glad spring finally arrived..."
He hasn't shifted himself away from me at all, despite the fact that I have subtley squirmed and shifted a bit to signify that I am not a fan of this leg on leg action. All he does is oddly flex and extend his fingers. Repeatedly. Sorry if its weird that I find that bizarre, but it was. He looked like Chopin preparing for a piano sonata.
"You have a lovely hair color, is that your natural color?"
Ok, what the fuck!?! Really? If a cute girl was sitting this close to me and asked me that question, I may be flattered, but I would still be a bit puzzled. I then begin to do the rest of the math. Still plenty of open seats. Across the aisle, he could have shared a seat with a STUNNING brunette, not to mention a decently cute blond a bit further down if lighter hair was his thing. Shit, I am being hit on by a 60 year old gay man. Listen, I love Crocodile Rock, but I don't want Elton John practically sitting on my lap as I commute home.
"Yeah, I guess I have my dad's hair."
What else am I supposed to say? Oh no, his hand is now off the seat and he flexes it again and rests it on his leg. Or should I say half his leg, so part of it rests on mine since he is making every effort to fuse them together.
"I really like your style. Very trendy and unique."
Are you kidding me? Am I sitting next to Marc Jacobs. For reference, while I do fancy myself quite the dapper dresser, I was wearing jeans, a black track jacket and boat shoes. Trying to be comfortable for work, not looking smashing for the opening of Transformers 2. Now I have my suspicions confirmed and silently pray for Diversey to arrive with haste.
"Thanks, I know what I like."
I try not to be too terse and patiently continue to fiddle with my phone. He reaches into his pocket and pulls out a pair of sunglasses, oddly reminiscent of the kind Hannibal Lecter wears in Hannibal. Great, now he looks like a famous serial killer (who had subtle homosexual tendancies) AND he can leer at me while not being noticed.
Thankfully, Diversey arrives and I get up to leave. He places his hand on my forearm and says it was a pleasure meeting me. I mumble a hurried reply and try not to sprint onto the platform. Thank god I don't live in Wrigley or I would have had to deflect his advances all the way to his departure into Boystown.
Don't get me wrong, its not the first or last time I will be hit on by a gay man. And thats fine, I am comfortable enough with myself that I can kind of laugh it off and be fine with it. Plus I have gay friends, so its not a demographic that inherently creeps me out. But there is something unsettling about an overly forward homosexual man of that age that even my gay friends have complained about. I need to stop looking so dashing on the train obviously...
So I used to be a big Panic at the Disco fan before they got all popular and it was the coolest thing to like for 15 year old girls, besides texting, Starbucks, and rainbow lipstick blowjob parties. I thought they were different and quirky, and pretty damn catchy. Well their most recent CD initially turned me off because I felt they were trying to hard to be the Beatles. The lead single, Nine in the Afternoon, screamed Beatles revival and the video was an unabashed Sergeant Pepper's knockoff. But recently, I decided to give them another spin, because honestly, who hasn't tried to replicate the Beatles a bit, besides Slayer, Britney Spears, and T.I.? Well, I am thoroughly obsessed with That Green Gentleman. Its brilliantly catchy and lyrically interesting, just what I expect from them. It also makes me feel like I am 10 years old again. Perfect song for the coming of spring. Rocks my face. The video is also hilarious and pretty sweet.
"I wanna go where everyone goes, I wanna know what everyone knows, I wanna go where everyone feels the same... "
JW
So at around 2 this afternoon, market had an hour left, and I was sitting pretty. I was up 75% on the day, which at this point in my trading career is fantastic. Well instead of realizing that I was in a good place, I stated getting cocky and thinking about what a nice day it was outside. My thoughts basically proceeded as follows:
"Wow, I am up today, Im doing awesome."
"Its gorgeous out, Im definitely going to go out tonight. And its gonna be sweet cause I had a baller trading day."
"Hmm, this stock is looking shaky, maybe I should lay off...fuck that noise, look at how awesome I am trading...tonight is going to be alot of fun."
Well at that point, the market exacted its revenge and my footloose and fancy free style promptly blew up in my face. The stock I was trading, AVB in case any of you closet stock market nerds were interested, went from a steady rising cash cow, to being more indecisive and bipolar that a sorority girl. One minute she is introducing you to her friends and talking about one more drink before you two go back to her place...nice. Then suddenly you find out she is telling the whole campus you are a creeper and may or may not have herpes...what??
My last two HORRIBLE trades of the day were like slow motion. You know that moment when you shouldn't do something, but fuck it, you do it anyways? Yeah, it happened twice...damn I am such a moron sometimes. I ended up down 50%, yes, thats a 125% swing for the negative...sweet lord. Better now than when I am actually playing with alot more money, right? At least thats what Im telling myself.
So anyways, I get on the train just wanting to go home, maybe take a nap, and put it out of my mind, cause thats all you can do. I sit down on a half empty Purple Line car and start fiddling with my phone. I kind of zone out until I reach Merchandise Mart where I noticed a few people get on. I pay little mind as there are only a few people on the train and I am already next to the window. Suddenly I get the feeling that there is someone looking at me and I realize an older gentleman, probably in his 60s, wearing a cream trenchcoat is standing over me. He clearly is trying to inquire if the other half of my seat is taken. I give him a quizzical look (as there are a ton of completely open seats where sharing is not necessary) but kind of shift myself and my bag a bit and he sits down. Immediately I notice that he sat pretty fucking close. Like leg firmly against my leg close... As the train lurches forward, he places his hand on the seat in front of us to steady himself and keeps it there. No big deal...except that he is practically reaching across me and his hand is pretty much centered in front of my body.
Now I am getting a bit weirded out. I figure since he is older, maybe he doesn't have the same sense of personal space, maybe he is European, trying to figure something out here. In the meantime, I continue to stare at my phone. Suddenly I get that feeling of someone staring at you again, so I look up...
"Beautiful weather today isn't it?"
Ok, he is not European. Look for that wedding ring, nope, nothing there. I begin to get that awkward premonition...
"Oh yeah, I'm just glad spring finally arrived..."
He hasn't shifted himself away from me at all, despite the fact that I have subtley squirmed and shifted a bit to signify that I am not a fan of this leg on leg action. All he does is oddly flex and extend his fingers. Repeatedly. Sorry if its weird that I find that bizarre, but it was. He looked like Chopin preparing for a piano sonata.
"You have a lovely hair color, is that your natural color?"
Ok, what the fuck!?! Really? If a cute girl was sitting this close to me and asked me that question, I may be flattered, but I would still be a bit puzzled. I then begin to do the rest of the math. Still plenty of open seats. Across the aisle, he could have shared a seat with a STUNNING brunette, not to mention a decently cute blond a bit further down if lighter hair was his thing. Shit, I am being hit on by a 60 year old gay man. Listen, I love Crocodile Rock, but I don't want Elton John practically sitting on my lap as I commute home.
"Yeah, I guess I have my dad's hair."
What else am I supposed to say? Oh no, his hand is now off the seat and he flexes it again and rests it on his leg. Or should I say half his leg, so part of it rests on mine since he is making every effort to fuse them together.
"I really like your style. Very trendy and unique."
Are you kidding me? Am I sitting next to Marc Jacobs. For reference, while I do fancy myself quite the dapper dresser, I was wearing jeans, a black track jacket and boat shoes. Trying to be comfortable for work, not looking smashing for the opening of Transformers 2. Now I have my suspicions confirmed and silently pray for Diversey to arrive with haste.
"Thanks, I know what I like."
I try not to be too terse and patiently continue to fiddle with my phone. He reaches into his pocket and pulls out a pair of sunglasses, oddly reminiscent of the kind Hannibal Lecter wears in Hannibal. Great, now he looks like a famous serial killer (who had subtle homosexual tendancies) AND he can leer at me while not being noticed.
Thankfully, Diversey arrives and I get up to leave. He places his hand on my forearm and says it was a pleasure meeting me. I mumble a hurried reply and try not to sprint onto the platform. Thank god I don't live in Wrigley or I would have had to deflect his advances all the way to his departure into Boystown.
Don't get me wrong, its not the first or last time I will be hit on by a gay man. And thats fine, I am comfortable enough with myself that I can kind of laugh it off and be fine with it. Plus I have gay friends, so its not a demographic that inherently creeps me out. But there is something unsettling about an overly forward homosexual man of that age that even my gay friends have complained about. I need to stop looking so dashing on the train obviously...
So I used to be a big Panic at the Disco fan before they got all popular and it was the coolest thing to like for 15 year old girls, besides texting, Starbucks, and rainbow lipstick blowjob parties. I thought they were different and quirky, and pretty damn catchy. Well their most recent CD initially turned me off because I felt they were trying to hard to be the Beatles. The lead single, Nine in the Afternoon, screamed Beatles revival and the video was an unabashed Sergeant Pepper's knockoff. But recently, I decided to give them another spin, because honestly, who hasn't tried to replicate the Beatles a bit, besides Slayer, Britney Spears, and T.I.? Well, I am thoroughly obsessed with That Green Gentleman. Its brilliantly catchy and lyrically interesting, just what I expect from them. It also makes me feel like I am 10 years old again. Perfect song for the coming of spring. Rocks my face. The video is also hilarious and pretty sweet.
"I wanna go where everyone goes, I wanna know what everyone knows, I wanna go where everyone feels the same... "
JW
Monday, April 13, 2009
Hold on, you did not just say that...Wow, you really did
So "Overheard in New York" was such a wildly popular phenomenon that it spun off countless other similar sites and Facebook groups. Now I don't know if an "Overheard on the CTA" exists, but I could maintain an entire site dedicated to such content with contributions from only yours truly. I don't even need other people's stories, I hear enough on my daily commute to populate a Twitter feed for days...though Twitter kind of freaks me out and is the downfall of any sort of divide between the public and the private. But thats a commentary for a different day.
Anyways, today was abnormal because instead of a choice nugget or two, I could swear that every damn conversation happening around me was so insatiably absurd and captivating that I didn't finish the Redeye over the span of two whole train rides. These top 3 were so awesome that I wanted to tap random strangers and ask if they heard that with a child-like wonder in my eyes. But I resisted for fear of appearing as strange and abstract as the conversations currently dancing through my ears. Additionally, the way people have been responding to my simple gestures of kindess lately, Im sure they would have taken it as some sort of personal affront.
1) After boarding, I was standing next to two African American gentlemen who were loudly and excitedly talking about their cellphones. Now last week, I overheard a similar conversation about the merits of Cricket Wireless. But oh no, this was better:
Guy 1: Yeah man, I need me a new fucking phone.
Guy 2: Dawg, you just got that for Christmas. Its still dope.
1: Hell naw man, I need that touch screen, not this flip shit.
1: Besides, I be getting a new phone every 3-4 months.
2: Why man?
1: Playa, you know you gotta keep your phone game tight.
1: Ladies be seeing your phone and judging you for it.
2: Shit, thats true. This one bitch always be talking about Blackberries...
Seriously? I mean, I could not believe my ears. It solved so many questions about my percieved relationship woes. I worry about my personality and my hair and my appearance, fuck that noise, I have been neglecting my phone game. If it was tighter, maybe with that touch screen, it could be a much different story. I'm learning new things every day!
2) As I came out of the station downtown, I was standing next to two women waiting for the light to change. One woman was, how do I describe this, festively plump. She seemed to not be content with her robust figure as she was, again, loudly commenting on it to her friend:
Festively Plump: Yeah, you know I am really working on my figure.
Friend: Thats great to hear!
FP: Yeah, I am taking steps to get more healthy, you know, get in shape for summer.
F: I can totally tell!
Oh, maybe I should note that our health concious friend was carrying a bag of McDonald's breakfast in one hand and puffing on a...Marlboro with the other. I mean, who am I to judge, there are many different ways to get in shape. Obviously the cigarette and fast food diet was in between Atkins and South Beach in the brochure.
PS: Right after this convo, I watched a homeless dude in FULL SPRINT, stop on a dime (he literally skidded with dust kicking up like a Wylie Coyote cartoon) and dive down to pick up a half smoked cigarette recently discarded by a guy entering my building...sweetness.
3) While the first two exchanges were just bizarre, this final one literally made my day. As I got off the train at Fullerton, a homeless dude was standing outside Dominick's looking for some donations, probably for a charity he was spearheading. Anyways, I wasn't paying any mind till her delivered his line:
"Spare some change mothufucka?"
I resisted all urge to break out in giggles and stopped in my tracks. Now seeing as a result of economic issues, I am more or less broke, I unfortunately am not in the habit of donating to the homeless. However, I respected the creativity and sheer audacity of this particular knight of the street corner and gave him $.50. I decided I could forego some Baked Lays at work tomorrow in order to reward such brazen solicitation. If it wasn't raining, I would have for sure lingered for awhile longer in hopes of catching some additional choice lines he would probably lay on selected Depaul co-eds.
"Got a dollar..you trick ass ho?"
"Any spare change you honky bitch?"
The endless possibilities raced through my mind as I waited in line at the Post Office. I felt like offering up these suggestions to the homeless dude who expects change for opening the door to this particular Post Office. His phone game is clearly not tight.
Honorable mention:
Two women got on the train at Fullerton on my way down this morning in business suits. There were about 4-5 other people in our direct vicinity, all dressed in business casual. One woman blatantly comments "I can't believe that some people actually go to work in jeans. Thats just ridiculous." Her tone was dripping with bitchiness. So I politely turn around and remark that actually I was going to class down in the Loop. She then stupidly tries to backtrack and say she was not referring to me and was just commenting in general. I mean, my appearance has been called many things: handsome, dashing, boyishly charming, etc...but stupid has not been one of them. But clearly this woman thought I looked like an idiot if she thought she was going to slip that shit past me. But, being the mature gentleman I am, I responded "No worries" and gave her a heartwarming smile...I hope her heel got stuck in a manhole cover.
So I stumbled over this little gem the other day. Its Kid Cudi-I Poke Her Face ft. Common and Kanye. The Poker Face sample is all chopped up and stripped down in amazing fashion. And the slowed down "remixed" version of the chorus at the end is just awesome. Kid Cudi, who is the best musical thing out of Cleveland since Bone Thugs, just kills his verse as does Common, and Kanye's verse is pretty decent. Overall, its just one of those awesome tracks that have kind of been popping up. Its a new turn in the whole hip-hop game, these quirky samples and remixes with some quality verses over them. Count me as a fan.
Sidenote: There are some acoustic versions of Pokerface on YouTube. And say you what you wan't about Lady Gaga, she is odd, but her musical talent is undeniable if not always apparent. And these stripped versions show it. Girl has some pipes. And not gonna lie, watching her interviews, I kind of like her, she is that good kind of crazy.
"Hold up, born in '88. How old is that? Old enough..."
JW
Anyways, today was abnormal because instead of a choice nugget or two, I could swear that every damn conversation happening around me was so insatiably absurd and captivating that I didn't finish the Redeye over the span of two whole train rides. These top 3 were so awesome that I wanted to tap random strangers and ask if they heard that with a child-like wonder in my eyes. But I resisted for fear of appearing as strange and abstract as the conversations currently dancing through my ears. Additionally, the way people have been responding to my simple gestures of kindess lately, Im sure they would have taken it as some sort of personal affront.
1) After boarding, I was standing next to two African American gentlemen who were loudly and excitedly talking about their cellphones. Now last week, I overheard a similar conversation about the merits of Cricket Wireless. But oh no, this was better:
Guy 1: Yeah man, I need me a new fucking phone.
Guy 2: Dawg, you just got that for Christmas. Its still dope.
1: Hell naw man, I need that touch screen, not this flip shit.
1: Besides, I be getting a new phone every 3-4 months.
2: Why man?
1: Playa, you know you gotta keep your phone game tight.
1: Ladies be seeing your phone and judging you for it.
2: Shit, thats true. This one bitch always be talking about Blackberries...
Seriously? I mean, I could not believe my ears. It solved so many questions about my percieved relationship woes. I worry about my personality and my hair and my appearance, fuck that noise, I have been neglecting my phone game. If it was tighter, maybe with that touch screen, it could be a much different story. I'm learning new things every day!
2) As I came out of the station downtown, I was standing next to two women waiting for the light to change. One woman was, how do I describe this, festively plump. She seemed to not be content with her robust figure as she was, again, loudly commenting on it to her friend:
Festively Plump: Yeah, you know I am really working on my figure.
Friend: Thats great to hear!
FP: Yeah, I am taking steps to get more healthy, you know, get in shape for summer.
F: I can totally tell!
Oh, maybe I should note that our health concious friend was carrying a bag of McDonald's breakfast in one hand and puffing on a...Marlboro with the other. I mean, who am I to judge, there are many different ways to get in shape. Obviously the cigarette and fast food diet was in between Atkins and South Beach in the brochure.
PS: Right after this convo, I watched a homeless dude in FULL SPRINT, stop on a dime (he literally skidded with dust kicking up like a Wylie Coyote cartoon) and dive down to pick up a half smoked cigarette recently discarded by a guy entering my building...sweetness.
3) While the first two exchanges were just bizarre, this final one literally made my day. As I got off the train at Fullerton, a homeless dude was standing outside Dominick's looking for some donations, probably for a charity he was spearheading. Anyways, I wasn't paying any mind till her delivered his line:
"Spare some change mothufucka?"
I resisted all urge to break out in giggles and stopped in my tracks. Now seeing as a result of economic issues, I am more or less broke, I unfortunately am not in the habit of donating to the homeless. However, I respected the creativity and sheer audacity of this particular knight of the street corner and gave him $.50. I decided I could forego some Baked Lays at work tomorrow in order to reward such brazen solicitation. If it wasn't raining, I would have for sure lingered for awhile longer in hopes of catching some additional choice lines he would probably lay on selected Depaul co-eds.
"Got a dollar..you trick ass ho?"
"Any spare change you honky bitch?"
The endless possibilities raced through my mind as I waited in line at the Post Office. I felt like offering up these suggestions to the homeless dude who expects change for opening the door to this particular Post Office. His phone game is clearly not tight.
Honorable mention:
Two women got on the train at Fullerton on my way down this morning in business suits. There were about 4-5 other people in our direct vicinity, all dressed in business casual. One woman blatantly comments "I can't believe that some people actually go to work in jeans. Thats just ridiculous." Her tone was dripping with bitchiness. So I politely turn around and remark that actually I was going to class down in the Loop. She then stupidly tries to backtrack and say she was not referring to me and was just commenting in general. I mean, my appearance has been called many things: handsome, dashing, boyishly charming, etc...but stupid has not been one of them. But clearly this woman thought I looked like an idiot if she thought she was going to slip that shit past me. But, being the mature gentleman I am, I responded "No worries" and gave her a heartwarming smile...I hope her heel got stuck in a manhole cover.
So I stumbled over this little gem the other day. Its Kid Cudi-I Poke Her Face ft. Common and Kanye. The Poker Face sample is all chopped up and stripped down in amazing fashion. And the slowed down "remixed" version of the chorus at the end is just awesome. Kid Cudi, who is the best musical thing out of Cleveland since Bone Thugs, just kills his verse as does Common, and Kanye's verse is pretty decent. Overall, its just one of those awesome tracks that have kind of been popping up. Its a new turn in the whole hip-hop game, these quirky samples and remixes with some quality verses over them. Count me as a fan.
Sidenote: There are some acoustic versions of Pokerface on YouTube. And say you what you wan't about Lady Gaga, she is odd, but her musical talent is undeniable if not always apparent. And these stripped versions show it. Girl has some pipes. And not gonna lie, watching her interviews, I kind of like her, she is that good kind of crazy.
"Hold up, born in '88. How old is that? Old enough..."
JW
Wednesday, April 8, 2009
Just a stirring in my soul...
As I was riding the train home from work today, a group of about 10-12 High Schoolers got on with their chaperones during what I assume was some sort of school trip. Either way, they were being extraordinarily obnoxious, trying to get rises out of other passengers, making comments on everything, basically being HS age kids. Meanwhile, I was reviewing notes from some of the trading activity I had done earlier and from the training class we had...all while resisting every urge to jump kick the attention-loving cock socket making a fool of himself in front of me.
"I wonder if other people think I am loud and annoying? Maybe I should ask..hahahaha"
Wow, if I was that completely worthless at that age (though I know I was not all decked out in Aeropostale like this clown), my parents should get a medal for not having me euthanized. Anyways, it didn't make me feel old or mature, but rather caused me to kind of chew on the thought of how much I have "grown" in the last 5-6 years.
I remember listening to "Why Georgia" in HS and thinking the line about a "quarter life crisis" was an attempt at cutesy clever lyrics. Now as I approach the age it was referring to, upon further review, I have to say I get where John Mayer was coming from. The whole premise is not as seemingly depressing as a mid-life crisis where one is unhappy with the direction of their life at that point and takes drastic measures to feel young again and gets a toupee or something of that nature, I really don't know. Moreso its kind of a midterm evaluation of your brief life as an "adult" thus far. Yeah, you grow alot and learn alot of things at college, but I think the 6-18 months immediately after you graduate is where suddenly 75% of that stuff just sticks.
I mean, I completely and utterly evolved as a person the minute I stepped onto Miami's campus. A family friend had told me that the best thing about college was the ability to reinvent yourself if you wanted. And frankly, I wanted it more than anything in the world. I hated HS for the most part and really was emotionally and mentally unsatisfied and unfufilled. So I came to college and was just ready to unfold my wings and become who I thought I should be. Freshman year I guess I did a bit too much, cause I got horrendous grades and had to spend 1st semester of Soph year at home. But when I came back in the Spring, I think thats when the transformation really took root and began. I remember being called cocky by a girl that first semester back and being floored. And it wasn't a criticism, but more a commentary on percieved confidence and the way I carried myself. I remember the strange feeling I got hearing that, but also how cathartic it was. I had always been outgoing, but for whatever number of stupid reasons, in HS I just never found my place. So this new "swagger", this new comfort in myself that was now becoming apparent to other people, it really was the start of who I am now. The rest of college was experiementing and testing myself and my personality and really trying to see what was me and what was me trying to be something else.
Now that I am in the "real world" and supposedly an adult, its really become interesting to try and evaluate the dynamic of my own personality and how I interact with others. There are some things that I am completely comfortable with that put other people off in a major way. And that doesn't mean I should censor myself, but rather realize that I am mature enough and perceptive enough to realize that I am not 15 anymore and the world is not for my own personal amusement. Thats been a big lesson for me to try to teach myself and one that is ever progressing and continuing, cause I certainly am not a picture of social perfection. Also, its been interesting to try and rid myself of bad habits, emotional drains, and general negativity tied to things in my past. One of my favorite psychological tenants is that of "grounding". There are various different names for it, but its basic idea that similar to a smell or sound reminding you of a certain person or place, there are emotions and thought processes we have that are intricately tied to people or events or whatnot in our past. For example, why do people always find it so hard to get over their "first love", even if this person turned out to be a horrible human being and subsequently treated them like garbage? Not becuase they are just their first love or random sentimental-ness, but because that strange and unique feeling/human emotion is tied to a better, more euphoric time in their relationship, and thus that overrides any lesser feelings as a result of later disputes, sadness, etc... While it can be a great thing because it can really strengthen bonds or convictions, it can often be a crutch because you let these grounded feelings and emotions control you or become an obnoxious burden, I know from first hand. So completing these rambling thoughts, I need to let somethings go and move forward, because I am pretty content with who I am right now at 23, so who gives a fuck what minor inconveniences (in the big picture) occurred in the past and still bother me. The best thing about life is that it goes on...
The other part of this whole quarter life crisis is the new relationships and experiences that seem so foreign and a little scary, but are really some of the cooler things in life. The main one for me is starting to get to know my parents as people, and not just as my parents. Like I text my Dad at least every other day with something, and not in a "I need something" or help me with this kind of way, but rather because Ive begun to understand him more, and our relationship has evolved into a friendship as well. Same way with my mom. I was the kid in grade school and through HS that never talked about anything social with his parents. I didn't talk about who I had a crush on or whatnot, because frankly I was embarrassed. Now I go to my Mom for relationship advice. A female perspective I can wholly and completely trust? What I wouldn't have given for that in HS...oh wait, yeah Im an idiot. Its happened with 2 of my Uncles as well in various situations. While its kind of startling to not look at them as the mighty elders and superhuman way we look at parents and relatives when we are kids, the humanizing aspect of it all is so cool and it makes navigating some of the little annoyances and struggles in life that much easier.
This "crisis", to me, is all about figuring out exactly who you are right now and realizing that you have a limitless life ahead of you, so you can really tweak and re-adjust most anything right now to put you in a position and situations you really want to be in for the future. So I mean, thats not depressing at all...stressful? Um yeah, I make myself damn near sick over it, but necessary and ultimately beneficial? Damn straight. Ill look back and thank myself in 2 years...at least I hope.
So I don't know how Ive went this long through all these musical recommendations without mentioning my favorite band in the world, Brand New. I started listening to them in HS when they were just a straight up, no holds barred, pop-punk band. Then as Ive grown, they have too, developing into this artistic powerhouse just creating the most emotionally charged and inspiring music Ive ever heard. I still listen to them EVERY single day and I wore out my copy of their second CD, Deja Entendu. I didn't even know you could do that, but somehow I did. That CD to me is perfect, like I could not possibly imagine any changes I would make to it. Lyrically, they are just sublime. Jesse Lacey is one of my favorite lyricists and Im pretty sure half of my favorite lyrics are something he has written. I could honestly gush about this band for an entire blog, and it would not be an enjoyable read cause it would be the blabbings of a giddy fanboy, cause I honestly believe they are that impressive. The Quiet Things That Noone Ever Knows is what I believe to be their quintessential song. Just brilliant and epic and gorgeous, and everything nice. This performance of it on Kimmel is still one of my favorite musical performances of all time. My favorite favorite fav song of theirs is I Will Play My Game Beneath the Spinlight. I don't know what it is, but this song moved me like no other. Its still a part of random stuff I do. My apartment my Junior year was called Spinglight Hall, and a short lived record label I created in college was..you guessed it, Spinlight Records. If I started a hedge fund today, easily would name it Spinlight Capital. I guess thats the cool and crazy thing about music, and to me Brand New, sometimes it just gets to you in ways you can't describe, and all you can offer up as explanation is the cool meanings it has to you and hope others can find their own in similar fashion...
"Won't see home till Spring, oh I would kill for the Atlantic, but I am paid to make girls panic while I sing..."
JW
"I wonder if other people think I am loud and annoying? Maybe I should ask..hahahaha"
Wow, if I was that completely worthless at that age (though I know I was not all decked out in Aeropostale like this clown), my parents should get a medal for not having me euthanized. Anyways, it didn't make me feel old or mature, but rather caused me to kind of chew on the thought of how much I have "grown" in the last 5-6 years.
I remember listening to "Why Georgia" in HS and thinking the line about a "quarter life crisis" was an attempt at cutesy clever lyrics. Now as I approach the age it was referring to, upon further review, I have to say I get where John Mayer was coming from. The whole premise is not as seemingly depressing as a mid-life crisis where one is unhappy with the direction of their life at that point and takes drastic measures to feel young again and gets a toupee or something of that nature, I really don't know. Moreso its kind of a midterm evaluation of your brief life as an "adult" thus far. Yeah, you grow alot and learn alot of things at college, but I think the 6-18 months immediately after you graduate is where suddenly 75% of that stuff just sticks.
I mean, I completely and utterly evolved as a person the minute I stepped onto Miami's campus. A family friend had told me that the best thing about college was the ability to reinvent yourself if you wanted. And frankly, I wanted it more than anything in the world. I hated HS for the most part and really was emotionally and mentally unsatisfied and unfufilled. So I came to college and was just ready to unfold my wings and become who I thought I should be. Freshman year I guess I did a bit too much, cause I got horrendous grades and had to spend 1st semester of Soph year at home. But when I came back in the Spring, I think thats when the transformation really took root and began. I remember being called cocky by a girl that first semester back and being floored. And it wasn't a criticism, but more a commentary on percieved confidence and the way I carried myself. I remember the strange feeling I got hearing that, but also how cathartic it was. I had always been outgoing, but for whatever number of stupid reasons, in HS I just never found my place. So this new "swagger", this new comfort in myself that was now becoming apparent to other people, it really was the start of who I am now. The rest of college was experiementing and testing myself and my personality and really trying to see what was me and what was me trying to be something else.
Now that I am in the "real world" and supposedly an adult, its really become interesting to try and evaluate the dynamic of my own personality and how I interact with others. There are some things that I am completely comfortable with that put other people off in a major way. And that doesn't mean I should censor myself, but rather realize that I am mature enough and perceptive enough to realize that I am not 15 anymore and the world is not for my own personal amusement. Thats been a big lesson for me to try to teach myself and one that is ever progressing and continuing, cause I certainly am not a picture of social perfection. Also, its been interesting to try and rid myself of bad habits, emotional drains, and general negativity tied to things in my past. One of my favorite psychological tenants is that of "grounding". There are various different names for it, but its basic idea that similar to a smell or sound reminding you of a certain person or place, there are emotions and thought processes we have that are intricately tied to people or events or whatnot in our past. For example, why do people always find it so hard to get over their "first love", even if this person turned out to be a horrible human being and subsequently treated them like garbage? Not becuase they are just their first love or random sentimental-ness, but because that strange and unique feeling/human emotion is tied to a better, more euphoric time in their relationship, and thus that overrides any lesser feelings as a result of later disputes, sadness, etc... While it can be a great thing because it can really strengthen bonds or convictions, it can often be a crutch because you let these grounded feelings and emotions control you or become an obnoxious burden, I know from first hand. So completing these rambling thoughts, I need to let somethings go and move forward, because I am pretty content with who I am right now at 23, so who gives a fuck what minor inconveniences (in the big picture) occurred in the past and still bother me. The best thing about life is that it goes on...
The other part of this whole quarter life crisis is the new relationships and experiences that seem so foreign and a little scary, but are really some of the cooler things in life. The main one for me is starting to get to know my parents as people, and not just as my parents. Like I text my Dad at least every other day with something, and not in a "I need something" or help me with this kind of way, but rather because Ive begun to understand him more, and our relationship has evolved into a friendship as well. Same way with my mom. I was the kid in grade school and through HS that never talked about anything social with his parents. I didn't talk about who I had a crush on or whatnot, because frankly I was embarrassed. Now I go to my Mom for relationship advice. A female perspective I can wholly and completely trust? What I wouldn't have given for that in HS...oh wait, yeah Im an idiot. Its happened with 2 of my Uncles as well in various situations. While its kind of startling to not look at them as the mighty elders and superhuman way we look at parents and relatives when we are kids, the humanizing aspect of it all is so cool and it makes navigating some of the little annoyances and struggles in life that much easier.
This "crisis", to me, is all about figuring out exactly who you are right now and realizing that you have a limitless life ahead of you, so you can really tweak and re-adjust most anything right now to put you in a position and situations you really want to be in for the future. So I mean, thats not depressing at all...stressful? Um yeah, I make myself damn near sick over it, but necessary and ultimately beneficial? Damn straight. Ill look back and thank myself in 2 years...at least I hope.
So I don't know how Ive went this long through all these musical recommendations without mentioning my favorite band in the world, Brand New. I started listening to them in HS when they were just a straight up, no holds barred, pop-punk band. Then as Ive grown, they have too, developing into this artistic powerhouse just creating the most emotionally charged and inspiring music Ive ever heard. I still listen to them EVERY single day and I wore out my copy of their second CD, Deja Entendu. I didn't even know you could do that, but somehow I did. That CD to me is perfect, like I could not possibly imagine any changes I would make to it. Lyrically, they are just sublime. Jesse Lacey is one of my favorite lyricists and Im pretty sure half of my favorite lyrics are something he has written. I could honestly gush about this band for an entire blog, and it would not be an enjoyable read cause it would be the blabbings of a giddy fanboy, cause I honestly believe they are that impressive. The Quiet Things That Noone Ever Knows is what I believe to be their quintessential song. Just brilliant and epic and gorgeous, and everything nice. This performance of it on Kimmel is still one of my favorite musical performances of all time. My favorite favorite fav song of theirs is I Will Play My Game Beneath the Spinlight. I don't know what it is, but this song moved me like no other. Its still a part of random stuff I do. My apartment my Junior year was called Spinglight Hall, and a short lived record label I created in college was..you guessed it, Spinlight Records. If I started a hedge fund today, easily would name it Spinlight Capital. I guess thats the cool and crazy thing about music, and to me Brand New, sometimes it just gets to you in ways you can't describe, and all you can offer up as explanation is the cool meanings it has to you and hope others can find their own in similar fashion...
"Won't see home till Spring, oh I would kill for the Atlantic, but I am paid to make girls panic while I sing..."
JW
Friday, April 3, 2009
So sick of love songs, so tired of tears...
So, first of all TGIF. Don't get me wrong I love my job, but lets be honest, how can you not look forward to the weekend? Its just the most pure and beautiful of human emotions, this looking forward to the weekend. But anyways, as any solid Friday should have, I had the pleasure of experiencing a few quality "only in a big city" moments.
First as I was walking to the bank at lunch, a disheveled African-American man was riding his bike down the middle of Lasalle. And I say disheveled because he was. Im not sure he was homeless, he didn't give off that vibe, but he definitely gave off the vibe of I pulled these clothes out of my dirty laundry pile specifically for today. Anyways, that alone would not have been unique save for the fact that he was belting out Ne-Yo's "Sexy Love" at the top of his lungs. I mean with all the midday traffic and lunch crowd noise, you could hear his horrible off-key and tone deaf falsetto. I can honestly say, like One Republic, I stopped and stared. Ok, that was horrifically cheesy, apologies. It was quite surreal to be on a corner in the shadow of the CBOT building to my right and the Federal Reserve to my left, two tremendously important and powerful buildings, and to have this spectacle play out before me. Just amazing.
Then on the train home, Batman entered my Purple Line car at Fullerton. No, not Christian Bale, a man dressed as Batman. A pretty poor effort if I might add. He was wearing a cheap rubber mask with the pointy ears, black gloves up to his mid forearms, black pants, large black shit-kicker boots, and, wait for it...a ratty black T-shirt with the Batman logo on it. All of this while wearing a backpack. I was just flabbergasted especially when I noticed he was wearing a muffler or scarf or something to cover his mouth. Way to attempt to go all out but then fail because clearly Batman's mouth and chin area is uncovered. I was actually kind of nervous because if you are wearing that on a normal day on a mass transit vehicle, clearly you are a few crayons short of a box and who knows what you will do.
Finally, I have a question for the ladies. So here is a scenario I used to run into a bit at Miami and happened to me last night. So an attractive girl is dancing with a guy, who is clearly not her BF, but is absolutely staring down another guy. Over her partner's shoulder, when her back is to him, etc... Not a "help this creeper is all over me" look, but a smoldering attempt at seduction look. What the hell is that? My friend Tersee at Miami used to refer to this as a girl "doing too much." He hated that kind of nonsense, but then again this is the same guy who once described a girl as having an "aggressive face." Anyways, whats the etiquette here? Do you want me to come dance on you, tag-team style? Am I supposed to read your thoughts and snatch you away from K-Fed dancing up on you? If you are so intent on eye-fucking me, while dry humping him, why don't you make some effort to establish your interest in me while conveying your detachment from him? I just don't get it. Its not a bitter, girls suck, complaint, but more of a point of confusion.
Ive had Cartel-If I Fail stuck in my head all weak. Ill admit I was initially not a big Cartel fan. Mostly because I thought they were a little formulaic and didn't seem any different from a slew of other pop-punk bands. Also because of their singer's resemblance to Nick Carter. But I gave them another spin and noticed exceptional lyrical quality and some clever melody creation. So I went 180 on my assessment and eagerly await their upcoming CD this summer. Additionally, I have always thought cartel was a cool ass word. But check it out, Im sure everyone can relate in somewhere to the lyrics. And thank me later when you are walking down the street singing the chorus...cause you will be.
"If you feel the same way, then how can we be friends? He's right you know, it can't go on like this..."
JW
First as I was walking to the bank at lunch, a disheveled African-American man was riding his bike down the middle of Lasalle. And I say disheveled because he was. Im not sure he was homeless, he didn't give off that vibe, but he definitely gave off the vibe of I pulled these clothes out of my dirty laundry pile specifically for today. Anyways, that alone would not have been unique save for the fact that he was belting out Ne-Yo's "Sexy Love" at the top of his lungs. I mean with all the midday traffic and lunch crowd noise, you could hear his horrible off-key and tone deaf falsetto. I can honestly say, like One Republic, I stopped and stared. Ok, that was horrifically cheesy, apologies. It was quite surreal to be on a corner in the shadow of the CBOT building to my right and the Federal Reserve to my left, two tremendously important and powerful buildings, and to have this spectacle play out before me. Just amazing.
Then on the train home, Batman entered my Purple Line car at Fullerton. No, not Christian Bale, a man dressed as Batman. A pretty poor effort if I might add. He was wearing a cheap rubber mask with the pointy ears, black gloves up to his mid forearms, black pants, large black shit-kicker boots, and, wait for it...a ratty black T-shirt with the Batman logo on it. All of this while wearing a backpack. I was just flabbergasted especially when I noticed he was wearing a muffler or scarf or something to cover his mouth. Way to attempt to go all out but then fail because clearly Batman's mouth and chin area is uncovered. I was actually kind of nervous because if you are wearing that on a normal day on a mass transit vehicle, clearly you are a few crayons short of a box and who knows what you will do.
Finally, I have a question for the ladies. So here is a scenario I used to run into a bit at Miami and happened to me last night. So an attractive girl is dancing with a guy, who is clearly not her BF, but is absolutely staring down another guy. Over her partner's shoulder, when her back is to him, etc... Not a "help this creeper is all over me" look, but a smoldering attempt at seduction look. What the hell is that? My friend Tersee at Miami used to refer to this as a girl "doing too much." He hated that kind of nonsense, but then again this is the same guy who once described a girl as having an "aggressive face." Anyways, whats the etiquette here? Do you want me to come dance on you, tag-team style? Am I supposed to read your thoughts and snatch you away from K-Fed dancing up on you? If you are so intent on eye-fucking me, while dry humping him, why don't you make some effort to establish your interest in me while conveying your detachment from him? I just don't get it. Its not a bitter, girls suck, complaint, but more of a point of confusion.
Ive had Cartel-If I Fail stuck in my head all weak. Ill admit I was initially not a big Cartel fan. Mostly because I thought they were a little formulaic and didn't seem any different from a slew of other pop-punk bands. Also because of their singer's resemblance to Nick Carter. But I gave them another spin and noticed exceptional lyrical quality and some clever melody creation. So I went 180 on my assessment and eagerly await their upcoming CD this summer. Additionally, I have always thought cartel was a cool ass word. But check it out, Im sure everyone can relate in somewhere to the lyrics. And thank me later when you are walking down the street singing the chorus...cause you will be.
"If you feel the same way, then how can we be friends? He's right you know, it can't go on like this..."
JW
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