Not about that Gobble Gobble

Jeez, where does the time go? Its been 2 months since I posted? Oh my word. I'll try not to compensate by writing a gargantuan novel and just get back into a writing flow.

So another Thanksgiving has come and gone. Much conversation has been had between me and others about their particular loves for Thanksgiving and my competing lack of enthusiasm. For me, it really breaks down to a lack of harmony between traditional Thanksgiving foods and my discerning palate. For a holiday which is almost exclusively centered around food, this is akin to not loving gifts and attention so you don't like birthdays, or you love continuous and uninterrupted postal service and delivery, so you hate President's Day.

Let me break this down, traditional food by traditional food:

Turkey: Some people absolutely fucking LOVE turkey. For me it is pretty far on the protein scale ranking below such consistent favorites like beef, bacon, and shellfish and slightly above duck testicles and geoduck. The white meat is drier than your grandmother's *&^ and slightly less flavorful. The dark meat, my personal preference, while a bit more delicious tends to be kind of greasy and thus I won't dabble in more than a piece or two. FAIL.

Mashed Potatoes: I don't have a dislike of mashed potatoes. I merely prefer my potatoes in other forms, you know, tots, fries, or kugel. If the traditional dish was mashed skin on red potatoes or garlic mashed potatoes, then I would be singing such a different tune. Additionally, this starchy mess goes hand in hand with gravy, which I will speak to in a moment.

Corn: I love corn. This is actually a win. But I eat corn 1-2 a week throughout the year, so I refuse to venerate before Thanksgiving for the mere presence of this veggie.

Cranberry: Every Thanksgiving I attend seems to have that cranberry shit from a can. Its like a poor man's Jello and tastes like some sort of congealed fruit garbage. I am obsessed, like Justin Beiber fan obsessed, with cranberry juice, yet I cannot get into cranberry goo or cranberry sauce.

Stuffing: I have had stuffing in various incarnations and I can't enjoy any of them. So its bread that you put some nuts/meat/fruit into and then stuff it back into the turkey? So its basically like when penguins eat fish and regurgitate it back up for their young? I'll just have a roll please.

Finally..Gravy: What a failure of an item. Most relatives of mine cover their entire plate with gravy, flooding every bit of turkey and side item with a floating mess of congealed fat and velvety flavor. To me? It looks gross, tastes just as bad, and makes me feel like I am about to undergo a quadruple bypass, but not in an awesomely satisfied sort of way.

But all that being said, I do like being with the fam, not having to work, and watching the Cowboys choke away sure victories. Huzzah!

On a more disturbing note, I had one of the most uncomfortable exchanges with a street urchin last week. As I was meandering down the street towards Walgreens, I passed a man who was mostly unremarkable, save his pair of gold hoop earrings, ragged appearance, and horrifically lecherous smile. As we converged, I believe I heard him murmur, mumble, or otherwise moan with pain? pleasure? hunger? I thought nothing of it and carried on with my purchase in the store. As I walked out and back from whence I came, I noticed the homeless looking lothario hovering in a doorway. As I passed, he uttered the following phrase, in a voice that could only be described as a combination of Jafar dressed as an old man from Aladdin and Herbert, the old pervert from Family Guy...

"I am gonna just explode if I don't tell you. You are absolutely gorgeous..."

It took everything I had not to run away in a combination of revulsion and terror of him attacking me with a rag full of chloroform. My looks have been called many things...boyishly good looking; "you're a freshman in college right...oh you're 23? My bad"; smoldering, etc... but never "gorgeous". So to have that first time be from a crusty old candidate for molester of the year, needless to say I was a bit disappointed. I would honestly rather eat a whole bowl of gravy smothered canned cranberry than go through that exchange again.

So its pretty well known that I am always on the lookout for the hottest new joints in the rap game. I trade multiple texts a month with a good friend from college sharing our favorite new beats and hottest verses. But I can say, I don't think I've been excited about a new emcee in a long time as I am about Nicki Minaj. She has pretty much exploded into pop culture, but I was enthralled from the first time I heard her on Lil Wayne's Sweet Dreams remix on the No Ceilings mixtape. Then she started dropping disturbingly good verses on Kanye's Monster, her absolutely retardedly awesome verse on Trey Songz' Bottoms Up, and her bit in 2012. Her new album is dropping soon and I am both nervous and excited. She has been so perfectly spot on and ridiculous with all of her guest spots that I have the same expectations of her new releases as I do for people like T.I. and Lupe Fiasco who I only expect fire from. Nicki seems to have her shit together and has an almost Lady Gaga like feel for her musical character and identity, so I look forward to being surprised with tracks I did not expect. She is both gritty and a bubble gum R&B pop princess. Love it. Bottom line, unless you hate rap (which is totally not awesome) or like really terrible rap, you totally need to be learning to love Nicki Minaj, cause to quote a great man, "She go haaaarrrddd."

"I aint Mike Jack but "This is it", Wo Wo Wo Boy I'm everywhere,You like ballon boyMama you was never there"

JW