So, its 4 PM on a Friday, and my weekend has already begun. I love my new work schedule. Getting off at 3-3:15 could be the coolest thing ever. Also, its a pretty good sign when today, during training, I almost started giggling and clapping my hands together with glee...much like a small child about to open a present or waiting patiently in line for a roller coaster. I am still 2 weeks away from full fledged trading on my own, so each day we get a little more revealed to us. But for whatever reason, today we were going over the building of positions and market swings (I won't go any further into detail at the risk of confusing people with crazy trading terminology) but what he was talking about was so cool and sounded so interesting/fun/exciting/etc... that I was beside myself. Yes, I am a huge dork, but whatever, Im excited about not hating my job.
Today was also the first day that we traded live in small doses. I sat down at my terminal and logged in and realized that if I pushed a certain set of keys, even accidentally, money was going be changing hands instantaneously. It was kind of an adrenaline rush, but also terrifying. I don't get shaky, but my hands definitely felt a little unsteady. It was like when you are in HS and are about to ask a girl you REALLY like to Prom or Homecoming. You are wired and really nervous, but yet pretty excited, but its all amplified by the thought that this could really go wrong in an instant. I guess thats what keeps traders sharp. It also felt like the first time I ever performed at an Open Mic. I wasn't afraid of being up there and I was so stoked to be playing, yet my hands felt like when you get shocked. That constant feeling of electricity flowing through your peripherals. It gets manageable, but its still there every time, but now it feels awesome. So if trading every day feels like performing, then I think I've made an awesome choice.
Random observations:
-Why can't people smile or even return a look that is not complete digust/scorn/revulsion when you make eye contact passing them on the street? It just pisses me off that when you make direct eye contact with someone, you can't just nod or smile or make some acknowledgement that your life doesnt completely suck. I mean, everyone has bad days, but I feel like 80% of the people I pass, male or female, give me a look like I told them to go fist themselves whenever I give a brief smile or hello. I mean, I say hi to every homeless person down in the Loop cause at least they say something back. I just pretend its "Hey, hope you have a great day."
-My mentor at work is going to be a father on Monday, his wife is being induced at 3 AM. He is 3 years older than me. To me that is just crazy. I love kids and I look forward to having them someday, but it just seems so far away. Life moves so fucking fast in your 20s it seems like. Not the actual passage of time per se, but more the fact that most people, in a decade, go from being stupid debaucherous college kids to having careers, being married, and perhaps even producing little offspring. Thats nuts. I mean, you always think of your parents as older and "adult", but I mean, my Mom was barely 24 when I was born...I turn 24 in 3 and a half months, ahhh. And I mean, I remember being 6-7 and waking up each morning to find the high scores on my video games beaten. By whom? My dad of course. He was in his early 30s at that point, which makes complete sense now. So thats scary to think about how soon it could be, but kind of cool, because being a cool hip younger parent is always something I think you strive for. Idk, just talking to hear my own voice here.
-On that note, my dad turned 50 on Wed. Kind of crazy to think about. But it made me think about how proud I am of my own father and how I hope to possess half of the stones he does about some things at that age. Is my father a perfect man? No, my mom and I both will tell you there are times we want to push him down a hill, but his selflessness and work ethic are just absurd. I will fully admit that some of the gifts and talents I have been blessed with have been wasted and ignored in the past, but when Ive found out that my dad was in large part the same way when he was younger. Needless to say, it makes me confident and determined for the future. Especially cause he didnt have those similar experiences from my Grandpa to reflect on and use to better himself. For all my faults and my father's as well, he has been my biggest supporter and my harshest critic, for my own good. I am a complete mixture of my parents. My dad's analytical and critical thinking skills, and business sense. And my mom's remarkable social fluidity and ability to read, understand, and interact with people. His left brained nature and my mom's right brained nature are perfectly mixed in me it seems. Some kids go to certain parents cause they know how to manipulate them. I go to my mom when I have social issues (girls, friends, mental spastic-ness) and my dad whenever I have questions on business, life, and living up to my own ridiculous expectations. Sometimes I just really need to slap myself and realize how good I have it. So when you get a chance, tell your parents thank you and that you love them. I don't exaggerate in the least when I say that I want to be like my parents when I grow up.
So on the heels of that heady and philosophical commentary, we need music equally as so. Thrice-Stare at the Sun. This song is gorgeous, rocks your face off, and has a brilliant and intelligent lyrical focus. Perfect right? Artist in the Ambulance is my absolute favorite Thrice song, but I feel like Stare at the Sun is the perfect "starter" Thrice song. They have some intense material, but its a bit more accessible but still intense and incredible. The first 30 seconds are sublime and would definitely be my entrance music for anything I ever did requiring it, such as taking the stage for something. Also, the lyrics about their lead singer's search for his spiritual identity and finding the complete meaning in his faith, which for me is a completely relateable topic. Being a very spiritual and fairly religious person but still seeking and questioning cause I want to know more and make it feel all the more tangible. Its awesome to have a fav band of mine addressing the same thing. This band has went from being a bunch of pop-punk skater kids from CA, to the CD "Artist in the Ambulance" which is just beyond description, and their more recent stuff is very atmospheric, orchestral, and experimental. Just remarkable.
So the moral of the story, listen to some Thrice, smile at some people on the street, and call your parents. Have a great weekend.
"Know that there's a point I missed, shrine or stone I haven't kissed, a scar thats never graced my wrist, a mirror that hasn't met my fist but I can't help, feeling like Im due for a miracle..."
JW
Friday, March 27, 2009
Monday, March 23, 2009
Jack Frost, I got a bullet with your name on it...
So pardon me as I rant for a moment. I stepped outside this morning, the first Monday of Spring, fresh faced and ready for the week, only to be blown back by a cold wind, and retreated back upstairs to grab a jacket.
Now last Friday was March 20th which means two things: 1) my little sisters birthday (Happy 15th to Ms. Cassidy Wagner) and 2) the first day of Spring. Well to me, Spring signifies sunshine, and rebirth, and fresh attitudes, and most importantly, better weather. Well, having grown up my entire life in the "northern" part of the Midwest, I should know that this is patently false. One thing I truly miss about being at school in SW Ohio was the fact that not only did Spring usually arrive in late Feb, but once it warmed up, usually it was warm for good. None of this 60 one day, 20 the next for a month to two month period as I always got in Milwaukee and now in Chicago. Really, Spring lasted 2 months, the end of April, through June 20th. The rest was a 5 month long winter. It got me thinking, Winter is completely worthless. In my maturation, I have come to realize that I hate cold weather, just despise it, so it pretty much renders Winter a waste of time. Lets examine the pros and cons of Winter. And then I will just demolish the Pros and expose Winter for the frigid bitch she is.
These were my Pros growing up:
Skiing
Christmas
Snow/Sledding/Snowmen
College Basketball
Alright, so Skiing. I love skiing, its one of my favorite things, Im awesome at it, yadda yadda. I haven't been skiing in the Midwest since I was a JR in HS. I got to CO usually once a year, so I get my fix there. So I dont need "winter" for that. I could do that living in Hot-lanta. Christmas, well technically, Christmas takes place 5 days after Winter starts. So fine, Winter is awesome for 2 weeks, Christmas through New Years. Snow/Sledding/Snowmen...I now live in a city. Snow is obnoxious, its everywhere and its feet deep and the salt destroys clothes and your floors. Lame. And sledding? Well lets just say there are no hills in Lincoln Park. College Basketball is still amazing, but I could enjoy that just as much in a place where Winter doesnt exist, like Miami Beach, and besides, its capped off by March Madness, which takes place in Spring.
Ok, so for the purposes of my argument, I am directly associating Winter with cold weather and snow. The "winter" they have in the South must be great actually. 50 degrees, little break from the heat, show off a bit different wardrobe. I could get down with that.
Winter is just a giant figurative, and literal, cockblock/cocktease. I mean good things don't happen in winter. Feeling under the weather? Awesome, maybe you will feel better in April, cause you certainly won't get healthy during Winter. Feeling lonesome and unhappily single? Get used to it cause Winter makes every single person's chances as pathetic as those people on TV who weren't accepted to Match.com and are shilling for some other crackerjack site. Relationships are like flowers, they need to grow and bloom. Well nothing grows and blooms in Winter, shit dies as Winter hovers around like the obnoxious friend who wont let you get your swerve on cause they think you have had 1 too many spirits. Come to think about it, Winter is like that bitchy girl in HS you had a huge crush on. She is mean, makes you feel terrible, your friends hate her, you don't find any new love cause you are hung up on her, but yet you still think there is something good about her, maybe it was how good she looked running in a sports bra during Cross Country practice, but you really can't recall. There has to be right? Then you graduate HS and the truth smacks you in the face and you realize how foolish you were. She really did suck.
Well I have graduated, all that propaganda about being able to enjoy all 4 seasons...hogwash. I love fall and spring is sweet too, so I would gladly take and extra month of each with a brief timeout in the middle somewhere.
Phew, I am glad I got that off my chest. I refuse to let Winter facewash me anymore. I am standing up to Mother Nature at the end of next fall, we'll see how that goes. In the meantime, I am just praying Spring arrives semi on schedule. Its supposed to be 65 tomorrow, but as I write this, there is a bad blizzard in Wyoming, so I fear some weather nonsense is coming after me shortly. In the meantime, I am just not going to bring a coat tomorrow...cause I am a BAMF.
Edit: I wore a jacket today, cause even the awesome are not immune to cold winds. 60+ temps my ass...
Ever have one of those moments where you are sitting at your desk and a song you haven't listened to in a long time just pops in your head? Completely unannounced, haven't listened to the band in awhile, etc...Not some annoying Top 40 jam or $5 footlong, but a legit awesome song. Well it happened to me on Friday, with Saosin-Its So Simple. I have always thought Saosin was underrated. Sweet band name, pretty cool musically styling, just inventive music. Plus, the lead singer's name is Cove. Thats a baller ass name. Not annoyingly different like Apple or Pilot Inspektor, just baller different. And listen to that note he hits in the chorus, just insane. Anyways, this song rocks my face and the lyrics are pretty good thinking material. Draw your own conclusions.
"Its so simple to be afraid, Its so simple when you know who you are..."
JW
Now last Friday was March 20th which means two things: 1) my little sisters birthday (Happy 15th to Ms. Cassidy Wagner) and 2) the first day of Spring. Well to me, Spring signifies sunshine, and rebirth, and fresh attitudes, and most importantly, better weather. Well, having grown up my entire life in the "northern" part of the Midwest, I should know that this is patently false. One thing I truly miss about being at school in SW Ohio was the fact that not only did Spring usually arrive in late Feb, but once it warmed up, usually it was warm for good. None of this 60 one day, 20 the next for a month to two month period as I always got in Milwaukee and now in Chicago. Really, Spring lasted 2 months, the end of April, through June 20th. The rest was a 5 month long winter. It got me thinking, Winter is completely worthless. In my maturation, I have come to realize that I hate cold weather, just despise it, so it pretty much renders Winter a waste of time. Lets examine the pros and cons of Winter. And then I will just demolish the Pros and expose Winter for the frigid bitch she is.
These were my Pros growing up:
Skiing
Christmas
Snow/Sledding/Snowmen
College Basketball
Alright, so Skiing. I love skiing, its one of my favorite things, Im awesome at it, yadda yadda. I haven't been skiing in the Midwest since I was a JR in HS. I got to CO usually once a year, so I get my fix there. So I dont need "winter" for that. I could do that living in Hot-lanta. Christmas, well technically, Christmas takes place 5 days after Winter starts. So fine, Winter is awesome for 2 weeks, Christmas through New Years. Snow/Sledding/Snowmen...I now live in a city. Snow is obnoxious, its everywhere and its feet deep and the salt destroys clothes and your floors. Lame. And sledding? Well lets just say there are no hills in Lincoln Park. College Basketball is still amazing, but I could enjoy that just as much in a place where Winter doesnt exist, like Miami Beach, and besides, its capped off by March Madness, which takes place in Spring.
Ok, so for the purposes of my argument, I am directly associating Winter with cold weather and snow. The "winter" they have in the South must be great actually. 50 degrees, little break from the heat, show off a bit different wardrobe. I could get down with that.
Winter is just a giant figurative, and literal, cockblock/cocktease. I mean good things don't happen in winter. Feeling under the weather? Awesome, maybe you will feel better in April, cause you certainly won't get healthy during Winter. Feeling lonesome and unhappily single? Get used to it cause Winter makes every single person's chances as pathetic as those people on TV who weren't accepted to Match.com and are shilling for some other crackerjack site. Relationships are like flowers, they need to grow and bloom. Well nothing grows and blooms in Winter, shit dies as Winter hovers around like the obnoxious friend who wont let you get your swerve on cause they think you have had 1 too many spirits. Come to think about it, Winter is like that bitchy girl in HS you had a huge crush on. She is mean, makes you feel terrible, your friends hate her, you don't find any new love cause you are hung up on her, but yet you still think there is something good about her, maybe it was how good she looked running in a sports bra during Cross Country practice, but you really can't recall. There has to be right? Then you graduate HS and the truth smacks you in the face and you realize how foolish you were. She really did suck.
Well I have graduated, all that propaganda about being able to enjoy all 4 seasons...hogwash. I love fall and spring is sweet too, so I would gladly take and extra month of each with a brief timeout in the middle somewhere.
Phew, I am glad I got that off my chest. I refuse to let Winter facewash me anymore. I am standing up to Mother Nature at the end of next fall, we'll see how that goes. In the meantime, I am just praying Spring arrives semi on schedule. Its supposed to be 65 tomorrow, but as I write this, there is a bad blizzard in Wyoming, so I fear some weather nonsense is coming after me shortly. In the meantime, I am just not going to bring a coat tomorrow...cause I am a BAMF.
Edit: I wore a jacket today, cause even the awesome are not immune to cold winds. 60+ temps my ass...
Ever have one of those moments where you are sitting at your desk and a song you haven't listened to in a long time just pops in your head? Completely unannounced, haven't listened to the band in awhile, etc...Not some annoying Top 40 jam or $5 footlong, but a legit awesome song. Well it happened to me on Friday, with Saosin-Its So Simple. I have always thought Saosin was underrated. Sweet band name, pretty cool musically styling, just inventive music. Plus, the lead singer's name is Cove. Thats a baller ass name. Not annoyingly different like Apple or Pilot Inspektor, just baller different. And listen to that note he hits in the chorus, just insane. Anyways, this song rocks my face and the lyrics are pretty good thinking material. Draw your own conclusions.
"Its so simple to be afraid, Its so simple when you know who you are..."
JW
Thursday, March 19, 2009
If you start thinking you are sweet, life will push you in a puddle...
So Ill be perfectly honest, Ive been pretty happy with my life and recent events in my little sphere of influence as of late. I just got back from a sweet cruise. Last Saturday was a long, hilarious, and thoroughly enjoyable early St. Paddy's Day celebration. I started work on Monday so this week has been pretty exciting and enjoyable. I finally have a life again and feel like I am able to wake each day with a purpose and directive, instead of just wondering what episodes of the Bernie Mac show I am going to get to watch on FX today. And see, the problem with having an awesome string of good things happen, is you keep expecting more and more good things to happen, in an increasing level of splendidness. Not necessarily because you think you deserve it, but because water flows downstream and this run continuing just makes sense. Earlier this week, as I contemplated how awesome it is to leave work at 3 (I can definitely get used to these trader hours), I was wondering what next? Perhaps a large inheritance from a great uncle in Germany I wasn't aware I had? Or maybe Evangeline Lilly was going to decide she was bored with being on Lost and would rather spend her time trying to seduce me instead? The sky was the limit. Until Fate/Karma/whatever that skeez is going by these days, decided to wake up on Wed morning and pay me a little visit.
So Wednesday morning, I am on the train going downtown, headphones on, bumping a little T.I. with a serious expression (yes, I like to listen to the King of the South on my way to work, helps me put my game face on) basically minding my own business and trying to wake up. There is a large man to my right who has spread his legs in the "Im too awesome to hold on to or lean on anything, so I will spread my legs to give me enough balance not to move when the train does" stance. Well, this mongoloid didn't seem to realize that, unlike the subway in NYC, this foolish maneuver doesn't work on CTA trains which shake, sway, and shimmy more than Beyonce's ass. So naturally, we go through an S-bend and he comes hurtling towards me. He forcefully smashes me up against a pole, giving me a face full of his leather jacket. Thankfully, I am unharmed and return to T.I. grimly thinking of how many poor bovine souls perished to make that leather tent he was wearing. Well I arrive at work and reach to turn off my mp3 player that was in my back pocket, only to find that the impact between me and Shrek crushed the screen making it un-viewable...FML
Oh and when I came home and decided to make this little gem my first ever post on fmylife.com, I was informed by the website that there have been too many entries and to try again later. Wait, so you are telling me that my life is now so FML'd that I can't even post an FML? Wow, I just don't even know what to say.
I woke up this morning hoping to put Wed behind me, albeit it in a music-less fashion, but still. Well, Im still getting used to my new sleeping routine. After 2 months of waking and going to bed when I pleased for the most part, it has been a struggle. Advice: Decide you are going to be an hour before you plan to. I say I am going to go to bed at 11, but I always end up fucking around and doing nonsense and before I know it, my sleep window is rapidly shrinking. Anyways, I wake up this morning and turn on the shower, and step into the warm spray. It was kind of cold in my apartment and the warm felt quite good...so good I fell asleep. Yes, I somehow fell asleep in the shower...for 15 min. I woke up and was immediately hit with an "Oh snap" moment and hurried about and left my apartment with wet hair, looking like a professional walk of shame.
I got on the train and decided my day would improve from there, March Madness did start today after all. Well, the train ride was just me and my thoughts. And as evidenced by my last post, that is trouble. Luckily, I was inundated with all sorts of meaningless thoughts clearly only appearing when one is on the train without music. "Is it normal for a 23 year old man like myself to enjoy Goldfish crackers this much?" "I wonder if the guy who wrote the $5 footlong song is as annoying to everyone in his life as his song is in mine?" You get the idea. And my day was really solid until 30 min ago.
I was leaving the store after some errands where I see an officer writing me a ticket as my meter must have just expired. I come running up yelling that it was my car, stop, etc but was drowned out by traffic noise. I arrive at my car as he is putting the ticket in the envelope with a sad look on my face. Then the dude says "Why didn't you say anything? I would have stopped writing the ticket." I just looked at him. The last time this happened, the officer wasn't even half done writing the ticket but wouldn't stop and I had to stand there as he finished. Seriously, FML.
So don't feel high and mighty, cause life will laugh and kick you in the face. But I bet this means my weekend is going to be sweet...I mean horrible, I take nothing in life for granted...
So one of my good friends from my HS days, Ben, is in this sweet band called We the Living. They are kind of a big deal. They moved to LA and are doing it up right. They were in an episode of the Real World this season and Perez Hilton gave them a blog shout out (you know, all the things that make you really cool and important these days.) Anyways, its pretty funny going to see them whenever they make it back to the Midwest and seeing these girls drool and go all Jonas Brothers over them. But they toured all over the place, playing tiny little colleges, really paying their dues, so Im proud. So check out We the Living- Half the Girl or any of their other stuff really, its got that atmospheric U2, Coldplay, Death Cab thing going on. The main riff in Half the Girl just rocks my face. Good stuff.
JW
So Wednesday morning, I am on the train going downtown, headphones on, bumping a little T.I. with a serious expression (yes, I like to listen to the King of the South on my way to work, helps me put my game face on) basically minding my own business and trying to wake up. There is a large man to my right who has spread his legs in the "Im too awesome to hold on to or lean on anything, so I will spread my legs to give me enough balance not to move when the train does" stance. Well, this mongoloid didn't seem to realize that, unlike the subway in NYC, this foolish maneuver doesn't work on CTA trains which shake, sway, and shimmy more than Beyonce's ass. So naturally, we go through an S-bend and he comes hurtling towards me. He forcefully smashes me up against a pole, giving me a face full of his leather jacket. Thankfully, I am unharmed and return to T.I. grimly thinking of how many poor bovine souls perished to make that leather tent he was wearing. Well I arrive at work and reach to turn off my mp3 player that was in my back pocket, only to find that the impact between me and Shrek crushed the screen making it un-viewable...FML
Oh and when I came home and decided to make this little gem my first ever post on fmylife.com, I was informed by the website that there have been too many entries and to try again later. Wait, so you are telling me that my life is now so FML'd that I can't even post an FML? Wow, I just don't even know what to say.
I woke up this morning hoping to put Wed behind me, albeit it in a music-less fashion, but still. Well, Im still getting used to my new sleeping routine. After 2 months of waking and going to bed when I pleased for the most part, it has been a struggle. Advice: Decide you are going to be an hour before you plan to. I say I am going to go to bed at 11, but I always end up fucking around and doing nonsense and before I know it, my sleep window is rapidly shrinking. Anyways, I wake up this morning and turn on the shower, and step into the warm spray. It was kind of cold in my apartment and the warm felt quite good...so good I fell asleep. Yes, I somehow fell asleep in the shower...for 15 min. I woke up and was immediately hit with an "Oh snap" moment and hurried about and left my apartment with wet hair, looking like a professional walk of shame.
I got on the train and decided my day would improve from there, March Madness did start today after all. Well, the train ride was just me and my thoughts. And as evidenced by my last post, that is trouble. Luckily, I was inundated with all sorts of meaningless thoughts clearly only appearing when one is on the train without music. "Is it normal for a 23 year old man like myself to enjoy Goldfish crackers this much?" "I wonder if the guy who wrote the $5 footlong song is as annoying to everyone in his life as his song is in mine?" You get the idea. And my day was really solid until 30 min ago.
I was leaving the store after some errands where I see an officer writing me a ticket as my meter must have just expired. I come running up yelling that it was my car, stop, etc but was drowned out by traffic noise. I arrive at my car as he is putting the ticket in the envelope with a sad look on my face. Then the dude says "Why didn't you say anything? I would have stopped writing the ticket." I just looked at him. The last time this happened, the officer wasn't even half done writing the ticket but wouldn't stop and I had to stand there as he finished. Seriously, FML.
So don't feel high and mighty, cause life will laugh and kick you in the face. But I bet this means my weekend is going to be sweet...I mean horrible, I take nothing in life for granted...
So one of my good friends from my HS days, Ben, is in this sweet band called We the Living. They are kind of a big deal. They moved to LA and are doing it up right. They were in an episode of the Real World this season and Perez Hilton gave them a blog shout out (you know, all the things that make you really cool and important these days.) Anyways, its pretty funny going to see them whenever they make it back to the Midwest and seeing these girls drool and go all Jonas Brothers over them. But they toured all over the place, playing tiny little colleges, really paying their dues, so Im proud. So check out We the Living- Half the Girl or any of their other stuff really, its got that atmospheric U2, Coldplay, Death Cab thing going on. The main riff in Half the Girl just rocks my face. Good stuff.
JW
Friday, March 13, 2009
I need to stop living life at 150 mph..
So I've been chewing on a few thoughts that have been bothering the heck out of me lately. And the lack of anything going on this week when all last week was a buffet of sensory stimuli and over stimulation has given me plenty of time to think...which can be dangerous.
You ever get the feeling that the way you are handling life is completely unsustainable? Not in a Motley Crue, I am running through way too much blow and hookers, sort of way. More like, in my case, if I keep, mentally and emotionally, handling the relationships and situations in my life in this way...I'm going to lose my damn mind. I clearly need to pump the brakes every once and awhile.
Since high school, I have over thought and over-analyzed EVERYTHING in my life to an absurd level. It started with girls (a problem that haunts me even to this day) and gradually progressed into my perception in the eyes of others. Now everyone says that you shouldn't care what people think about you, and I agree with that, to a certain extent. I don't care what random fools think about me for the most part, but people I care about, or who I've not known long and would like to know better, then a positive rep is kinda of utmost importance to me. So cue me practically losing sleep because I wasn't happy how a certain interaction went and I didn't have a chance to potentially rectify what I felt was a "bad situation", when it may have been fine.
And girls, oh girls, when it turns out I have 3-4 ulcers, I am sending your gender the medical bills. Sure its technically my fault, but if you all were not such wily temptresses, then it wouldn't be an issue right? I wish this situation was like the pathetic high school tales Ive previously told, where I can openly mock my former self based on the rich and varied wisdom I have in my old age. Oh no, I am 4 months from my 24th birthday and I still freak about the fairer sex like I am in 7th grade, complete with squeaky voice and complaining about my problems to my baseball cards.
Example, lets say an early relationship with a particular girl has 25 "interactions". 5 of those are important (dates, long convos, hang outs, etc). The other 20 are texts, short calls, times in passing, etc... So if one of those 20 doesn't go smoothly or I didn't like how it turned out, no big deal, drop in the bucket right? Wrong. In my infinite wisdom and psychosis, those are the ones I stress about and pretty much because of, in my mind, write off any future potential as if I had punched her grandmother in the face. The take away is that I am an idiot. Sometimes people have bad days, no fault of my own, or I just misinterpreted the situation, or any number of logical and probable answers which don't involve the girl suddenly hating me. My recent method for coping with this is to glumly tell myself to get over it and move on, only to suddenly receive some sort positive shortly thereafter, reigniting hope and restarting the vicious cycle. God help me when I am actually in a serious relationship or marriage. I will probably assume my wife is leaving me weekly because I messed up her order at Subway and she was upset for 3 min cause she was going to have to eat a sandwich with no banana peppers.
Now all this nonsense is not a lack of confidence or perceived pathetic-ness on my part. Quite the opposite, its a mild distrust in the female gender. Haha, now that sounds turrible, but bear with me here. On the whole topic of nature vs nurture, I am firmly in the nurture camp. I strongly believe early experiences color your mental state towards future, similar situations. So add 1 part first homecoming date in HS telling her friends I was the worst date ever (I was thrilled to be there and was probably as considerate and nice as possible when you are 16), then a shake of senior prom date using me as a vehicle to get to the dance and ditching me for a jacked black dude, and a sprinkle of my first gf going back to her ex 2-3 times in our courtship and early dating stage, and poof, you have a delicious batch of trepidation on my part. I am past all of that, its over 5 years ago, no big deal, but it still appears like a fine mist in my head, and causes me to doubt not all you lovely ladies, but instead how I have been handling things, cause all those past situations I mentioned were my fault somehow, right?
All right, enough of that. Whats the take away? I've come to the conclusion that a LARGE part of personal happiness and contentment is staying the hell out of your own head. You can always find a problem with a situation, with a relationship, with your life somehow, if you look hard enough. So don't. For example, the final interview I had for the job that I start on Monday. I messed up a single question of about 20. And the other 19 I KILLED. But I automatically assumed I was done because I flubbed that 1 and was not perfect, as opposed to patting myself on the back for performing well and pleasantly going about my day. Girl I am chasing bit cold towards me today? Well its fucking 20 degrees in the Windy City, she is probably cold towards everyone cause its damn cold. You get my point.
Its my delayed New Years resolution to think about random stuff alot less and let me life come to me. I have always outwardly been upbeat and cheery, if only to counter balance the fact that inside I was flipping out, most likely cause some girl had only smiled when I said hi, not said anything. I remember a friend of my junior yr roommates commenting, when I came home pissed off one night, "Whats the matter dude? You are always the happy roommate." Oh the irony...though I am pretty happy, life could be WAY worse. And thats what I and everyone else needs to remember. 95% of the time, if life seems shitty, you are just thinking about it too much. Go do something productive, like build a chair or learn the trumpet.
On the topic of things I should have learned in HS, All Time Low is the band I should have listened to in HS. Except they didn't really come around until my junior year in college, and by then I had a bit more perspective that made me like it a bit more. Anyways, if you like Blink, do you remember the first time you heard them? The utter infectiousness of the music with sort of stupid but semi-meaningful lyrics. Well ATL is Blink 2.0, melodies I daresay are even better and the lyrics are pretty damn well written in that whole HS sort of way. Either way, on topic, the jaded way they lyrically capture that mindset that girls are complete trouble is awesome and oddly appropriate even know. And I am a sucker for killer hooks. Coffee Shop Sountrack and The Party Scene are both brilliant. You can thank me later...
"She said I'll love you forever...or find something better"
JW
You ever get the feeling that the way you are handling life is completely unsustainable? Not in a Motley Crue, I am running through way too much blow and hookers, sort of way. More like, in my case, if I keep, mentally and emotionally, handling the relationships and situations in my life in this way...I'm going to lose my damn mind. I clearly need to pump the brakes every once and awhile.
Since high school, I have over thought and over-analyzed EVERYTHING in my life to an absurd level. It started with girls (a problem that haunts me even to this day) and gradually progressed into my perception in the eyes of others. Now everyone says that you shouldn't care what people think about you, and I agree with that, to a certain extent. I don't care what random fools think about me for the most part, but people I care about, or who I've not known long and would like to know better, then a positive rep is kinda of utmost importance to me. So cue me practically losing sleep because I wasn't happy how a certain interaction went and I didn't have a chance to potentially rectify what I felt was a "bad situation", when it may have been fine.
And girls, oh girls, when it turns out I have 3-4 ulcers, I am sending your gender the medical bills. Sure its technically my fault, but if you all were not such wily temptresses, then it wouldn't be an issue right? I wish this situation was like the pathetic high school tales Ive previously told, where I can openly mock my former self based on the rich and varied wisdom I have in my old age. Oh no, I am 4 months from my 24th birthday and I still freak about the fairer sex like I am in 7th grade, complete with squeaky voice and complaining about my problems to my baseball cards.
Example, lets say an early relationship with a particular girl has 25 "interactions". 5 of those are important (dates, long convos, hang outs, etc). The other 20 are texts, short calls, times in passing, etc... So if one of those 20 doesn't go smoothly or I didn't like how it turned out, no big deal, drop in the bucket right? Wrong. In my infinite wisdom and psychosis, those are the ones I stress about and pretty much because of, in my mind, write off any future potential as if I had punched her grandmother in the face. The take away is that I am an idiot. Sometimes people have bad days, no fault of my own, or I just misinterpreted the situation, or any number of logical and probable answers which don't involve the girl suddenly hating me. My recent method for coping with this is to glumly tell myself to get over it and move on, only to suddenly receive some sort positive shortly thereafter, reigniting hope and restarting the vicious cycle. God help me when I am actually in a serious relationship or marriage. I will probably assume my wife is leaving me weekly because I messed up her order at Subway and she was upset for 3 min cause she was going to have to eat a sandwich with no banana peppers.
Now all this nonsense is not a lack of confidence or perceived pathetic-ness on my part. Quite the opposite, its a mild distrust in the female gender. Haha, now that sounds turrible, but bear with me here. On the whole topic of nature vs nurture, I am firmly in the nurture camp. I strongly believe early experiences color your mental state towards future, similar situations. So add 1 part first homecoming date in HS telling her friends I was the worst date ever (I was thrilled to be there and was probably as considerate and nice as possible when you are 16), then a shake of senior prom date using me as a vehicle to get to the dance and ditching me for a jacked black dude, and a sprinkle of my first gf going back to her ex 2-3 times in our courtship and early dating stage, and poof, you have a delicious batch of trepidation on my part. I am past all of that, its over 5 years ago, no big deal, but it still appears like a fine mist in my head, and causes me to doubt not all you lovely ladies, but instead how I have been handling things, cause all those past situations I mentioned were my fault somehow, right?
All right, enough of that. Whats the take away? I've come to the conclusion that a LARGE part of personal happiness and contentment is staying the hell out of your own head. You can always find a problem with a situation, with a relationship, with your life somehow, if you look hard enough. So don't. For example, the final interview I had for the job that I start on Monday. I messed up a single question of about 20. And the other 19 I KILLED. But I automatically assumed I was done because I flubbed that 1 and was not perfect, as opposed to patting myself on the back for performing well and pleasantly going about my day. Girl I am chasing bit cold towards me today? Well its fucking 20 degrees in the Windy City, she is probably cold towards everyone cause its damn cold. You get my point.
Its my delayed New Years resolution to think about random stuff alot less and let me life come to me. I have always outwardly been upbeat and cheery, if only to counter balance the fact that inside I was flipping out, most likely cause some girl had only smiled when I said hi, not said anything. I remember a friend of my junior yr roommates commenting, when I came home pissed off one night, "Whats the matter dude? You are always the happy roommate." Oh the irony...though I am pretty happy, life could be WAY worse. And thats what I and everyone else needs to remember. 95% of the time, if life seems shitty, you are just thinking about it too much. Go do something productive, like build a chair or learn the trumpet.
On the topic of things I should have learned in HS, All Time Low is the band I should have listened to in HS. Except they didn't really come around until my junior year in college, and by then I had a bit more perspective that made me like it a bit more. Anyways, if you like Blink, do you remember the first time you heard them? The utter infectiousness of the music with sort of stupid but semi-meaningful lyrics. Well ATL is Blink 2.0, melodies I daresay are even better and the lyrics are pretty damn well written in that whole HS sort of way. Either way, on topic, the jaded way they lyrically capture that mindset that girls are complete trouble is awesome and oddly appropriate even know. And I am a sucker for killer hooks. Coffee Shop Sountrack and The Party Scene are both brilliant. You can thank me later...
"She said I'll love you forever...or find something better"
JW
Monday, March 9, 2009
Cruise Casual= Just don't come naked...
So as many of you know, I recently went on a cruise, returning just yesterday. I just wanted to take a minute to address how surreal this floating "resorts" are and how unique of an experience it is. If you have been on a cruise, you will know what I am talking about. If you haven't, oh sweet lord you need to.
This was my second cruise, and my first on Carnival. My first cruise was a SB cruise with a huge group college kids from Miami that was basically filled with drunkeness, tomfoolery, and assorted debauchery. Now this second cruise, as it left the first week in March presented a bit more representative cross section of the cruise population. It was just late enough that there were some college students on SB, but early enough that the meat of the SB crowd hadn't yet gotten in their vacation weeks.
I break down the people on cruises, specifically our particular journey, in 5 groups.
First are College Students/20 Somethings. Much like myself and my cruise companions, this demographic is looking to drink heavily, get rowdy, relax, and generally act like college students again (or still are.) They generally ignore the stupid ass bingo sessions and dance shows in favor of drinking their smuggled liquor in their rooms and being loud in the casino. Some are quite fun, some should be treated like old horses, aka shot and turned into glue.
Then you have Couples. Maybe they are on their honeymoon, maybe just on a vacation, but either way, usually keep to themselves a bit as well. They either don't have children or are trying to relax cause they left the kids at Grandma's. You can spy them holding hands while laying out, awkwardly grinding at the dance club, or taking turns rubbing each other's shoulders and back while the other gambles. Some are rowdy and are looking to meet other couples to be rowdy with (not sexually you dirty clowns) and these groups can easily be identified by their loud behavior and attempts at looking like they've known each other forever.
Next are Families. These have all shapes and forms, included the types listed below. Their main objectives are bonding and wholesome entertainment. They largely keep to themselves, except when Mom and Dad drop off little Timmy and Samantha at the kids lounge so they can go drink margaritas, gamble, and possible shag on their balcony. Largely non-invasive, they only are an issue if they are at your dinner table or somehow inhibiting your day drinking.
Foreigners. Every cruise seems to have tons of these. Either Europeans or South Americans it seems with a sprinkling of Asian or Australians as well. Our cruise happened to have a preposterous amount of French Canadiens. It was absurd. I have never seen more people wearing Montreal Canadiens gear and speaking French in my entire life. There must have been some deal for people paying with bags of loonies. Foreigners can be problematic due to their love of skimpy beach/swimwear and lack of hygienic attention. I saw way more men in skin tight bathing suits and speedos than I ever care to ever again. I saw a large man who appeared, from the front, to be completely nude as his speedo was so small and his gut so prodigious, that the overlap pretty much hit his dental floss swimwear from view. Its no wonder I had a fleeting appetite and upset stomach many times on that boat. There were also a good amount that smelled worse than anyone you could ever care to encounter on the CTA. They were clearly too busy enjoying the bathrobes in their closet and the same 3 damn movies on loop on the TV to notice their was a damn shower in their bathroom.
Finally, my personal favorite group, Hillbillies. These make up a HUGE percentage of cruise-goers. Why? Think about it from their perspective..."You mean for $500 I can whatever I want and as much as I want? And wear my sleeveless Dale Earnhart Jr. t shirt to dinner? With my jean shorts?!?! Hot Damn!" These colorful folk really make any sight-seeing on any destinations worthless cause what can be better than seeing an assortment of Nascar, Country Music concert tour, and alcohol product t-shirts...all custom tailored to be sleeveless. Its flipping incredible. These are also the disgusting cretins you see displacing 75% of the hot tub water as they plunge one of their cankles in. This after they swung by the buffet and got their third plate of bacon and sausage. If you time it right, you can take all the time you want at the salad bar cause these folks aren't trying to waste their time with lettuce or veggies. But the ranch is probably gone cause they were using it as ice cream toppings or to thicken up the gravy ocean on their plates.
Honorable mention are old people. There are clearly tons of them as well covering all the categories above except the first clearly. They are usually just thrilled to be on the boat though some are a nuisance cause they hate young whippersnappers like yours truly and you can't get seats for any show you may actually want to see cause they have been their since their early dinner seating ended at 4:30. Best clearly are the old men. They are usually either hilarious or exceedingly creepy. Actually, Im a guy, so they are just hilarious. The looks on cute girl's faces as the old man next to them in the hot tub slyly rubs his leg on theirs or "accidentally" tries to grope them, is priceless.
So final verdict. Cruises are awesome because you get to eat a ton, drink a ton, not clean up after yourself, have nice weather, and people watch on all sorts of strange folk who end up making you feel better about yourself. Awesome.
There is no song of the day as my mp3 turned on in my bag on the way down and I had 1 hour of battery life for the whole cruise...FML.
JW
This was my second cruise, and my first on Carnival. My first cruise was a SB cruise with a huge group college kids from Miami that was basically filled with drunkeness, tomfoolery, and assorted debauchery. Now this second cruise, as it left the first week in March presented a bit more representative cross section of the cruise population. It was just late enough that there were some college students on SB, but early enough that the meat of the SB crowd hadn't yet gotten in their vacation weeks.
I break down the people on cruises, specifically our particular journey, in 5 groups.
First are College Students/20 Somethings. Much like myself and my cruise companions, this demographic is looking to drink heavily, get rowdy, relax, and generally act like college students again (or still are.) They generally ignore the stupid ass bingo sessions and dance shows in favor of drinking their smuggled liquor in their rooms and being loud in the casino. Some are quite fun, some should be treated like old horses, aka shot and turned into glue.
Then you have Couples. Maybe they are on their honeymoon, maybe just on a vacation, but either way, usually keep to themselves a bit as well. They either don't have children or are trying to relax cause they left the kids at Grandma's. You can spy them holding hands while laying out, awkwardly grinding at the dance club, or taking turns rubbing each other's shoulders and back while the other gambles. Some are rowdy and are looking to meet other couples to be rowdy with (not sexually you dirty clowns) and these groups can easily be identified by their loud behavior and attempts at looking like they've known each other forever.
Next are Families. These have all shapes and forms, included the types listed below. Their main objectives are bonding and wholesome entertainment. They largely keep to themselves, except when Mom and Dad drop off little Timmy and Samantha at the kids lounge so they can go drink margaritas, gamble, and possible shag on their balcony. Largely non-invasive, they only are an issue if they are at your dinner table or somehow inhibiting your day drinking.
Foreigners. Every cruise seems to have tons of these. Either Europeans or South Americans it seems with a sprinkling of Asian or Australians as well. Our cruise happened to have a preposterous amount of French Canadiens. It was absurd. I have never seen more people wearing Montreal Canadiens gear and speaking French in my entire life. There must have been some deal for people paying with bags of loonies. Foreigners can be problematic due to their love of skimpy beach/swimwear and lack of hygienic attention. I saw way more men in skin tight bathing suits and speedos than I ever care to ever again. I saw a large man who appeared, from the front, to be completely nude as his speedo was so small and his gut so prodigious, that the overlap pretty much hit his dental floss swimwear from view. Its no wonder I had a fleeting appetite and upset stomach many times on that boat. There were also a good amount that smelled worse than anyone you could ever care to encounter on the CTA. They were clearly too busy enjoying the bathrobes in their closet and the same 3 damn movies on loop on the TV to notice their was a damn shower in their bathroom.
Finally, my personal favorite group, Hillbillies. These make up a HUGE percentage of cruise-goers. Why? Think about it from their perspective..."You mean for $500 I can whatever I want and as much as I want? And wear my sleeveless Dale Earnhart Jr. t shirt to dinner? With my jean shorts?!?! Hot Damn!" These colorful folk really make any sight-seeing on any destinations worthless cause what can be better than seeing an assortment of Nascar, Country Music concert tour, and alcohol product t-shirts...all custom tailored to be sleeveless. Its flipping incredible. These are also the disgusting cretins you see displacing 75% of the hot tub water as they plunge one of their cankles in. This after they swung by the buffet and got their third plate of bacon and sausage. If you time it right, you can take all the time you want at the salad bar cause these folks aren't trying to waste their time with lettuce or veggies. But the ranch is probably gone cause they were using it as ice cream toppings or to thicken up the gravy ocean on their plates.
Honorable mention are old people. There are clearly tons of them as well covering all the categories above except the first clearly. They are usually just thrilled to be on the boat though some are a nuisance cause they hate young whippersnappers like yours truly and you can't get seats for any show you may actually want to see cause they have been their since their early dinner seating ended at 4:30. Best clearly are the old men. They are usually either hilarious or exceedingly creepy. Actually, Im a guy, so they are just hilarious. The looks on cute girl's faces as the old man next to them in the hot tub slyly rubs his leg on theirs or "accidentally" tries to grope them, is priceless.
So final verdict. Cruises are awesome because you get to eat a ton, drink a ton, not clean up after yourself, have nice weather, and people watch on all sorts of strange folk who end up making you feel better about yourself. Awesome.
There is no song of the day as my mp3 turned on in my bag on the way down and I had 1 hour of battery life for the whole cruise...FML.
JW
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