That's a lovely accent you have...New Jersey?

So every once and awhile, you just need to get the hell out of Dodge. I love Chicago and impending summer has me giddy, but the stress of life (most of it self-created) and work and whatever else just starts to grate on you. Thankfully, my little trip to Gotham rolled around and I was on a Thursday night flight to the Big Apple.

Side note: For being ridiculously trafficked and being the central hub for the biggest and most flashy city in America, La Guardia is really a piece of shit. No offense to anyone who feels it is beloved. Besides the delays, its just an aesthetic abomination. It feels old as hell (probably because its 70 years old). In 1960, La Guardia was voted "the best airport in the world". Well congratu-fucking-lations, cause I feel like its 1962 everytime I'm in it. Each time I land there, I should be wearing a skinny brown tie and smoking 14 cartons of unfiltered cigarettes as I walk to a meeting on Madison Avenue with Don Draper, except way less sweet.

I don't often compare New York and Chicago cause its just not fair to either city cause they are so different in feel and makeup. Its like comparing ex girlfriends. Sure Girl A had a tremendous rack but she was a complete bitch. Girl B wasn't well endowed, but she had a great personality and cute dimples. Comparing the 2 will just devalue the positives of both and leave you thinking both are lacking. They really don't have anything in common except that you used to romp between the sheets with them, just like Chicago and New York are dissimilar except for the fact that they both are large cities. However, there are a few things New York has going for it that I wish could be injected into Chi-city.

Primarily, the corner stores. They are like the convenience store/deli hybrids that are all over Manhattan. I mean, if you go outside the central hub of Chicago into some of the more urban neighborhood-like places, I'm sure they exist. However, these strongholds of culinary greatness are nowhere to be found in either my general area or closer to downtown Chicago. I blame a lack of Middle Eastern influence. When I'm in New York, I go to these things at least once a day for Falafel, or Schwarma, or lest I forget the best thing ever, the chopped salad bar. 6 bucks for a salad and like 5 toppings? And I can get an H&H bagel with it for another 50c? Are you kidding me? Dear reader, I would punch each and every one of you in the eye if one of these took over the pet supply store that currently stands on the corner of Wells and Division near my house. Your anger would be well worth it for a limitless supply of reasonably priced Middle Eastern food and tossed salads made to order. That stuff is far harder to acquire in Chicago than friendship.

The other thing? There is just a much more striking diversity of people. I mean, yeah, I meet more unique and different people from varying backgrounds in Chicago than I would back in Milwaukee, but by and large they are all from the Midwest. So despite their differences, there is a homogeneous feel to it all. Now New York, thats a horse of a different color. Friday night I met a girl who was very distinctly Cajun who had transferred to NYU when Tulane got overrun by Katrina and then Saturday, I met a couple of Puerto Ricans from San Juan and Ponce (more about that later). Meeting either of those people would have been a standout, semi-rare occasion here (where everyone, for better or for worse, seems to have went to a Big Ten school and is either an accountant, consultant, or in grad school), but it was just another night in New York. The other thing is the unique racial makeup of Manhattan. I grew up in Milwaukee which is one of the most segregated cities in the country. Chicago is not as severe, but its similar. When you go out in the areas I've lived or grown up, you're around mainly white people with a decent dose of Asians, and then some other races tossed in here or there. You go to the South Side of Milwaukee or the Southwest side of Chicago and you see a more distinct Latin flavor, and so on and so forth. Its just how it is. Whereas Manhattan, its like goddamn racial potpourri. I think thats what makes the nightlife and just social scene so interesting. Naturally, New York has its pockets as well, but it seems like there is alot more random juxtaposition of backgrounds on the island. For example, running into my new Puerto Rican friends at the bar we were at.

So we enter this bar in Midtown Manhattan behind a group of 3 extremely attractive women and a (im not ashamed to admit it) good looking dude. And when I say attractive, they turned around and my buddy without thinking muttered "Dear God..." And strangely enough, the rest of the bar was similarly populated. An easy 65-35 ratio of girls to guys, with the majority being aesthetically pleasing to say the least. It looked like a damn beer commercial. I was tempted to chuck some paint on the wall to see if a train would come rushing out. Maybe go order a fucking Disaronno on the rocks to see if the bottle would spin open in slow motion and some sultry Eastern European dime would lock eyes with me from across the bar cause I ordered some crappy almond flavored liqueur. But anyways, after a few minutes, said companion of mine (who is in a wonderful 2+ year relationship with serious potential, so he could care less about being humiliated by the Latin Mean Girls) saunters up and strikes up conversation. So soon enough, I'm drawn in and we converse. I don't remember much of the conversation verbatim but I pretty much recall... "We are laughing and we are very good friends. Good buddies sharing a special moment." There was much jealousy rampant throughout the striped shirt douche-pocalypse leering at us around the bar. Its pretty hard to carry on an engaging conversation with an interesting young lady when you are winking and making shooting motions at each assclown who attempts to shoot you an icy glare. The best part was the fact that all of these vixens and their male companion were intelligent, well spoken, and with baller careers. One was a top fashion designer back in San Juan, the gentleman was a surgery resident in Manhattan, one of the other girls was a lawyer, and the girl my buddy and I talked to the most was a personal stylist for Caroline f-ing Kennedy among others. I was gleefully clapping and prodding her to name drop more, but unfortunately her class and professional courtesy prevented it. What a Puerto Rican Buzz Killington. Either way, it was just another one of those cool "only in New York" moments. That being said, I think thats part of the fun and excitement when I go there. I've been there 10+ times, lived there for 3 months, so its not like I'm a tourist when I go back *cough* everybody look at how cool I am! *cough*, but at the same time, its still such a dramatic change of pace. It also makes Chicago seem a bit more intimate and personal, which I can totally dig.

At CVS today, my checkout girl was named Mignon. Yep, you read that right. Like Filet Mignon. I wanted to ask if her sister was named Bisque.

Finally, this weather better stop fucking around. Pardon my French, but fuck me 55 degrees. In New York, it was 85 and I was melting like I was in a Zima commercial. And I get back to Chicago, and I need to put long sleeves back on? I was ready to start going to work wearing a t-shirt because F this, I'm overheated. But nope, back to sweaters till June when most likely 85 degrees will appear out of nowhere and make leaving your house feel like getting in a car thats been left in the sun, cause thats soo fun!!! If I can just get some nice 72 degree days strung together here, I'll be getting weird looks up and down Division because I'll be trying to slap high fives with everyone I meet...provided that they appear to have showered in the last 48 hours...so about 50% of the people I would pass.

I've heard alot about this Chicago band, I Fight Dragons, but I never got around to checking them out. Glad I finally did. They label themselves "NES rock". Before you start pooh-poohing them as some nerdcore band, give them a legit spin. Its electronica-influenced pop-punk with Nintendo video game sounds instead of run of the mill synths. Think HelloGoodbye but more of a rock sound and occasional snips of a sweet jingle from Zelda or the sound you heard when you crushed some stupid looking Goomba. The lead singer kind of sounds like Max Bemis from Say Anything. Heads Up Hearts Down is catchy as hell, and with a little luck, hopefully you won't hear it in f-ing Abercrombie like every HelloGoodbye single. I swear their music makes me subconsciously smell Abercrombie Fierce and I nearly wretch.

"I try to find my strength inside the sound, But I can't fight the darkness all around, I'm bleeding 'til I drown..."

JW