ASL and Ipods

This morning, I went downtown to sign the paperwork and agreements to start my new trading job. In the midst of my excitement, I was mentally bogged down by the fact that I didn't start for another month, and even once I start, I'm not paid during training and my starting pay is quite meager. Now I knew all of this going in, but I still think I didn't fully process it. And so then I started to stress about it. Awesome. I mean, I'm drawn towards meaningless stress and overthinking the way Chris Brown's fists are drawn toward Rhianna's face. Its that natural of a movement.

So it made me think...when did I suddenly become old and grown up? I'm worrying about paying rent and budgeting and insurance premiums. 9 months ago my biggest worry was which bar I was going to arrive at in order to grind on freshmen, or whether to mix my Crow that night with sour mix or Diet Coke. Now in the last 9 months, I've gotten a job, been laid off, sat unemployed for over a month, and had my parents tell me that they love and support me and will help our financially, but if something doesnt change, I'm going to have to come back to Milwaukee, and then finally found a job I'm really excited about...woof.

Faced with these sobering thoughts and ruminations, I turned to the only place I knew to go when I needed comfort or mental ease...heroin. Now now, I kid I kid. I popped in my headphones and fired up the MP3 player and set about to cleanse my negative thoughts while doing adult stuff like cleaning my apartment and grocery shopping.

Now, in my enlightened opinion, the hardest thing to do in life is stay happy and positive. Not to mean that I am a negative or pessimistic person, I would imagine most of my friends would say differently, but think about it, how easy is it to fall into negativity. To whine, complain, create your own pity party. I personally can pick out a theme and send out invitations for such a party in about 5 minutes. So I resisted this urge, turned the volume up to 11 and went to Jewel (the grocery store, though "Who Will Save Your Soul" may have been oddly appropriate). If you haven't grocery shopped by yourself with an Ipod, Zune, or the like, I highly recommend it. Its kind of cathartic. Its a busy bustling place, but turn up the music enough and you are in your own world. Put on the right song and everything kind of becomes detached and you are watching from a distance though you are right there. I immediately started to feel better.

As I came around the corner, I almost ran into a little boy, probably 6-7, pushing a shopping cart. He didn't notice me, but when he did, he quickly maneuvered the cart, which was 3 times his size, out of the way and motioned for me to pass. I noticed his hearing aids and it made sense why he didn't hear me coming and I subsequently almost truck sticked him. So I smiled and signed "Thank you" to him. (I babysat for 3 sisters when I was 14-15, the youngest of whom was deaf. I learned ASL to try to communicate a bit better with the youngest and her sisters thought it was really cool. The 4 of us got to signing exclusively sometimes, so I would be there for a few hours and few words were even spoken. It was pretty badass if I don't say so myself.) But getting back to the story, this kid immediately got really pumped and with a huge smile signed back "Thanks, have fun shopping." I then stuck out my hand for a high five, received it enthusiastically, and continued on my way. It was my second such high five in my last two trips to the grocery store. Little kids rule.

So I went from feeling better to pretty much euphoric. As I was driving home I realized its all about perspective. I might be cash strapped for the near future, but I'm going to have a shot at pursuing what I really want to do. Little kids dishing out high fives can brighten even the crankiest of moods. And when all else fails, throw on the Ipod and all your activities suddenly have a soundtrack. I had a friend in college who hilariously stated as we walked across a field on campus, "How much sweeter would this walk be if Bon Jovi was playing in the background?" And its true, it would be awesome.

So as I was talking to the little kid, The Gaslight Anthem- The Patient Ferris Wheel played through my headphones. I have been championing this band for months. They are easily my favorite band I've found since graduating college. I would describe them as punk rock Springsteen. Its just awesome, upbeat music that makes you want to go and do something positive and fun with your life. If you like this, check out Great Expectations, '59 Sound, and High Lonesome. Really just check out The '59 Sound (the album) or Sink or Swim, both incredible and you can't go wrong.

"Ride on, ride on, Ferris Wheel lights on..."

JW