Rantin' and Ravin' Storytime

So I don't really have any particular topic, but there were some things that left an impression on me in the last 24 hours.

Rant:

I am SICK of this swine flu garbage. I understand its potentially serious, but the hysteria they are putting people in by calling this much attention to it is insane. There are 91 cases in the US. 91 among 400 million people. And even more so, the only fatalities and risk to fatalities are young children and the elderly. What does that sound like? Idk...the normal flu? At work, all I hear on CNBC is swine flu reports all day. Its now about 75% swine flu and 25% financial news...awesome. Wash your hands and be smart, don't panic. Bah.

Next, I was reading the Red Eye this morning and their was a whole article about how to get arms like Michelle Obama. Hold on...what? Are there really women across the country lusting after Michelle Obama's arms and shoulders? This is just ridiculous. First we had to hear about Michelle Obama the style maven and how you can copy her style, and now she is a fitness icon? This transcends politics. I mean, support Obama, he is our president and he became a rock star in the campaign, etc etc... But now the hero worship has moved on to the first lady? Excuse me while I throw up on my copy of US Weekly. I must have missed the articles in the past about Barbara Bush's creamy athletic calves and Hilary Clinton's toned mid section. Ive been feeling a bit out of shape lately, I think I will look to Barney Frank's work out routine since he has been in the headlines for bank related political news.

Rave:
I somehow slept through my alarm today and didnt wake up til 7:18. Now I normally leave my apartment between 7:20-7:30. And I still did. Thats right, I took a shower, made a sandwich for lunch, and ate breakfast in less than 15 minutes. Needless to say, I was feeling quite smug and proud of myself on the train this morning.


So storytime. First was the man I encountered leaving the train yesterday morning. He, while disheveled, didn't have the appearance of being homeless. But he was horribly slurring his words and stumbling a bit while yelling this at various commuters:

"Hey man, can you spare a dollar or so? I need to buy a rubber. I have to practice safe sex."

I was so stunned I couldn't even chuckle. If he indeed was drunk, at 730 in the morning, to this extent, then that is quite the feat. And I applaud him for seeking protection before engaging in also sorts of vigorous outdoor vagrant sex, it probably runs a high risk of swine flu or something. On the other hand, I am more inclined to believe that he mentally was just not right, and that is kind of sombering and sad. I think Ill go with the former and chuckle at the disturbing aspects of fornicating street urchins.

Then, later, on my commute home, I overheard this amazing conversation between two mid 20s fratty young professionals.

Fratty 1: Hey dude, wanna hit the gym?
Fratty 2: No man, I gotta go tanning.
*Editors note: Normally this would not be a big deal, guys tan, I know this, I went to Miami, just wait*
Fratty 1: You tan dude? Thats kind of gay, haha.
Fratty 2: Man, my girl makes me do it. She won't hook up with me otherwise. She said pale skin is a complete turn off.
Fratty 1: Oh alright, thats completely legit. You're definitely not pale now.

I almost choked on my own saliva I was laughing so hard while remaining silent as I looked out the window. It was just too priceless. I love the CTA.

Ive been listening to The Shower Scene by Brand New all day, you should too.

"Go tell him how my wrist is sore, from pulling out your insides. Nothing that you do is new to anything or anyone but you..."

JW